Page 15 of Light Me Up


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Char hums her agreement. I shake my head again, my eyes glossing over with defiance. “I’ll see how it plays out. If not, Iwillfind another job.”

Char’s expression brightens with a clap of her hands. “Okay, problem solved!”

There’s another decision I make, one I haven’t wanted to think about because it brings back memories of the person I am trying to forget. But how do you forget someone that lit you up from the inside? That made you feel like you were capable and strong when they were working to tear you down all along?

“I think I’m going to start taking driving lessons,” I tell Char.

“What?! That’s so exciting, Kate! I love that for you.”

I found a company that promises they can teach you to drive in under four weeks. If I hadn’t had those lessons with Lorenzo—a shudder passes through me—I’d be certain that four weeks wasn’t enough. He got me to a point where I wasn’t paralyzed by fear anymore. But he replaced that fear with pain. Now, I’m ready to buildmyselfup.

I smile sheepishly, forcing myself to be brave, which actually makes me feel a bit better about this whole situation. “It’s time. I’m 25, and this commute is going to drain my bank account if I do stick it out at Grove Shores.”

“What about your pilates class?” she asks, passing me my phone charger.

Char is going out of town for a few weeks to work on a huge project she was hired for through Gustav. Lorenzo hasn’t reached out to me again, so we agreed that it was probably safe for me to return home. I can’t be sure he didn’t send anyone to my apartment, but it’s a risk I’ll have to take. Moving is a hassle, and I’m comfortable there for now. I haven’t been sleeping well, so I’m hoping being back in my own home will do the trick.

“They have a later class, so I’ll start attending that one.” Char nods and I finish stuffing my suitcase, then zip it up. We both don’t voice the final question, one that Ireallydon’t want to address.

When will I move to be closer to Grove Shores?

It’s a twenty-five minute drive on a good day. There’s nothing tying me to my current apartment, and the lease ends in June. Hopefully I’ll have my license by then.

Half an hour later, I’m pulling my packed bag and Felix out of Char’s car. She joins me on the sidewalk to say goodbye.

“I’m proud of you, toots,” Char says, planting a kiss on my cheek.

“Thank you so much for letting me stay with you.”

She waves her hand. “Please, you’re welcome anytime. You’re welcome to stay there while I’m gone, if you need to.”

“When are you leaving, again?”

“Wednesday morning!”

“So exciting! Well, I’m sure we’ll talk before then, but have a safe drive.”

“Thanks. Let me know when you’re settled back in.”

She waits for me to enter the building before pulling away from the curb. My thoughts drift to the mysterious events of today as I wait for the elevator, but I force myself to stop. No matter how weird it is, no matter how much it hurts, it’s not my business anymore.

I’m not sure it ever was.

Chapter Seven

April 21st - Kate

Myroutineisbackin full swing with Saturday morning pilates and cleaning. It’s always been a cleansing act for me, and I’m hoping it scours my mind of all this filth it’s accumulated. But I’m proud of myself for cutting ties with Lorenzo and doing what’s best for me. It doesn’t matter how much I miss him. It doesn’t matter that I wish this weren’t the reality. It is.

He’s a liar, and he doesn’t even care. All those things he ever said about needing me and wanting me—they were lies, too. He just wanted to fuck me and live his dishonest life. He literally ruined a date just to keep the tracks covered about what he did to poor Brad.

And you’re just letting him get away with it.

The guilt in my gut is like a stone that sits on the edge of a lake, hell-bent on sinking into the ground. Maybe I should tell the police what we found. If it’s not what we think, there’s no harm, no foul.

But for some perplexing reason, I can’t bring myself to do it. Part of it is that I don’t want to reopen this wound I’m working hard to heal. But the other part is that my feelings for him have gotten in the way, and I don’t want to be the cause of his arrest.

I’m pulled from my thoughts, which have become cyclical these days, when my phone rings.

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