Page 45 of Light Me Up


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You two will never be free.

“Is the meet still on for August?” Santi asks, switching gears.

“Yes. Thirty kilos of fent so we can expand distribution. We’ve found some new leads in southern states,” Rowan replies as he unzips the second suitcase.

“We might send you two to speak with them,” Marco adds. “It’s high time you two learned to manage these transactions.”

“We could use a break,” Rowan says. “And we can’t trust anyone else. You two are our blood.”

If you trusted us, why’d you hide the hotel from us?

They rezip the luggage and open the closet, stuffing them on top of the many boxes filled with the poison itself.

“We’ll get these relocated tomorrow,” Rowan says, wiping his hands once they’re placed inside.

“Tell me something, father,” I say when he closes the closet and turns back to us. Santi stealthily sidles up beside me. “Do you ever feel guilty for killing people?”

“Awww. My son and all of his feelings,” Marco says sarcasticall. “You always have been anemotionalbitch, just like your mother. When are you…”

His words are drowned out by the rage consuming me. He’s crossed the line far too many times, and it’s high time he feels my wrath. I’m sick and tired of this goddamn charade I’ve had to live through for years on end. It ends tonight, and I don’t need Ted or anyone else to do it.

I whip out the pistol tucked into my waistband, cocking it and pointing it atmy father’sface in one swift motion. Santi throws his hand over the wrist at my side in warning, but I shake it free, my gun never wavering.

Marco’s eyes are blown out, the surprise evident and sickeningly satisfying. He never saw this coming.

This emotional bitch bested you, motherfucker.

“Do you know how long”—I take in a slow, deep breath—“I’ve been waiting for this moment?”

There’s an eerie silence, and I revel in it. I can taste the victory before it’s happened.

“What is this?” Marco says with equally eerie calm. I know this man, I know how his twisted brain works. He’s analyzing, searching for any way out of this.

He thinks I’ve only come to kill him.

I can see it in the way his eyes haven’t filled with true fear. He doesn’t have an inkling of our informant status.

Movement from Rowan has me diverting my attention. I watch as he slowly shifts his hand to his own waistband, but Santi is quicker, whipping his glock out and taking aim.

“Boys, let’s be rational about this. Let’s talk it out,” Rowan says, raising his hands in mock surrender. He alwayswasthe more diplomatic of the two.

“Your mistake, son, has always been that you think with your heart instead of your brain. What’s got you addled, huh? Have we been too hard on you?” His voice turns mocking. “Expected too much?”

It takes everything in me to maintain control because no part of me wants to. I’ve been in control for far, far too long. I want to let loose, let him have the fate he truly deserves. The permanence of death.

Atmyhands.

Ted said there’s no justifiable reason to shoot him in response to my request.

No justifiable reason?

Letting my mother waste away because he didn’t give a fuck, because he had no problem utilizing me in this selfish life he’s built for himself—that’s not justifiable?

One kilo of fentanyl has the potential to kill five-hundredthousandpeople, and that’s notjustifiable?

The only thing that’s not justifiable is letting him—either of them—walk out of here with their lives, imprisoned or otherwise.

No… this is justified. Me pulling the trigger my finger steadily hovers overisjustified. I can feel Santi’s tension next to me, because he knows that I shouldn’t be doing this, but he also knows there’s no stopping me.

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