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“Can I get you anything?”
“Water,” I croak. She rushes out of the room and returns a minute later with a clear glass of ice water. I take a large gulp, allowing the liquid to cool me down.
Moving on, as it turns out, is a lot easier said than done. It’s easy enough to distract myself during the day. But at night, when I’m unconscious, these demons feast on my vulnerability. The raw guilt, the longing for him—it’s far too consuming.
It’s been nearly a week, but the permanence of his absence shatters my heart into a million irreparable pieces. Not in the way glass shatters. In the way that something gets so hot it has no choice but to burn, eventually resorting to destroyed ruins of powdery residue. Even though I knew it was always just for then, I wanted it to be for always. And the fact thatthiswas the reason for our end is the part that hurts the most.
But I can’t look past a literal crime in which he didn’t care about another person's injuries.
“When do you start at the new branch?”
“I don’t know. Jasmine said it shouldn’t be a problem, but I’m waiting to hear back.”
When I got to Char’s Wednesday night, she suggested switching branches rather than quitting. I’ve always loved my job, and this way, I wouldn’t have the added stress of job hunting.
I came up with the excuse that my apartment had a pipe burst, which made it uninhabitable. That’s the kind of thing that happens when you get involved with liars. You’re spun into their web and the only way out is to resort to dishonesty yourself.
I told Jasmine I’d have to move back in with my parents, and the commute would be lengthy. She agreed and said she’d talk to Rowan, but seeing as it’s already 11 am on a Friday, I doubt I’ll hear anything before Monday.
While Char’s place is ahaircloser to Grove Shores, I’ll still be tacking on time to my commute. Not to mention, I don’t own a car and barely know how to drive, so getting to and from work will be a pain in the ass.
My chest caves in when I get a flashback of Lorenzo’s driving lessons.
“Hey,” Char says softly. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
I nod once and then shake my head, breaking down again. My forehead aches from the pressure in my face. She sits on the bed and hugs me while I sob.
I wish I had never met him. I wish he’d never run Brad off the road, so we would have had our first date. Maybe I could have liked Brad if I hadn’t met Lorenzo.
But Ididmeet him.
It all happened, and the only thing left to do is accept it and move on.
“There are just so many unanswered questions,” Char muses, wiping the last tear running down my cheek.
“I know,” I say, wiping the snot dripping out of my nose with the back of my hand. “But I don’t care to learn anymore. I’m done. I should have listened to you before, I should have…” We’ve talked this whole thing in circles, like a song stuck on repeat.
“I know, but it’s okay. Shit happens,” Char says.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” I ask.
“Of course, you and Felix can stay as long as you need.”
“Thank you. But I was referring to… not saying anything.” I can’t voice the truth out loud. I can’t utter the cold facts of what he did.
“Look. We don’t know with one hundred percent certainty.”
I peg her with a cynical look. “It’s pretty clear, Char.”
“I’m not saying I don’tbelieveit’s true, but we’re still just putting the pieces together. It’s not like we saw it happen.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”
“My point,” she continues as though I hadn’t spoken, “is that I’m okay with it because I don’t know for a fact that it’s true. If you don’t want to report it, I don’t either. I’m on your team, toots.”
I stare at my lap, searching for answers or guidance that might be hiding between my fingertips.
“Don’t beat yourself up,” Char says sympathetically. “Brad was okay, and it probablywasjust an accident.”
