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Unknown number: a week out of work is unlike you and I just need to know youre ok
It can’t be…
“Char!” I exclaim, shoving the phone in her face. A moment later, her eyes search mine quizzically.
“Is it…?”
I nod, glancing back down at the message. “I can’t… I can’t respond.” Thank the heavens for dresses with pockets; I shove the phone in.
“Is he seriously going to act like we didn’t go through his drawer? I mean, he has to know… right?” Char muses.
“It doesn’t matter. We did. That’s all that matters.”
Char nods affirmatively and I brush past her to wait in the living room. I don’t want to keep going back down this path. I hate the pull he has on me, and the only way to sever the tie is to cut it altogether.
Chapter Five
March 24th - Lorenzo
“Comein,”Ishoutin reply to the knock at my door. Santi slides in and gives my messy room a once over before his eyes land on mine.
“I’m inviting the crew over,” he informs me.
“Cool.”
“You gonna join us?”
“Nah.”
He stares at me intently. While I hate the way he’s scrutinizing me, I can’t say I blame him. I’d do the same if the roles were reversed.
His concern for me is not unfounded. I’ve resorted to doing the bare minimum. I go to work, I go to the gym, I come home. I’ve hardly spoken to him or anyone else.
I was always a shell of a man, but now I have no form. I’m lifeless. Even our mission has lost its appeal to keep me driven, to keep me going. I didn’t ever think I could feel worse than I used to.
How wrong I was.
It’s all because ofher. She never responded to my message. But how can I hold that against her? She’s protecting herself, and that is the one thing that keeps me hanging on. I never should have gotten as close to her as I did. It was always too risky—for both of us. I knew that, even if she didn’t.
If I ever get caught, if Santi ever gets caught, we’d have wasted our time with nothing to show for it. We’d be up shit’s creek without a paddle. Very likely without a goddamn boat, left to sink into the middle of whatever ocean our fathers threw us in.
“You can’t lock yourself away forever.”
“I know,” I respond dryly.It’s hardly been a week, asshole.
“Well, if you change your mind, we’ll be out back.”
“Got it.” He eyes me one more time before turning on his heel. As he reaches the door, I ask him to bring me a beer. He nods without looking back. He returns a moment later with a glass of Fireball on ice, unlike I asked. But he had the right idea, bringing me my favorite drink.
He leaves it on my nightstand, and I wait 'til the door snaps shut behind him to sip on it.
Is this who I’ve become? Some lovesick sap who’s nursing a broken heart?
Nah. It runs deeper than that, and I know it. Yes, I’m broken because I’m missing Kate. Justthinkingher name causes my body to shudder. But it’s the fact that Ihaveto miss her. None of this would be happening if it weren’t for the fact that Santi and I were thrown into matters we never should have been in.
I wish I had something to remember her by. Fuck, even a used condom just to havesomephysical representation of her. To know it was real—her, my feelings, all of it.
I down my drink quickly, the sudden impulse to lose myself to lady alcohol taking priority. I shuffle to the kitchen in my black basketball shorts and take the bottle from the counter, returning to my room with every intention of downing the entire thing.
