AllFreeNovel
Share Us
ONE
MY WILLFUL STUBBORNNESS
BRIGHTON
I’d be better off if I hadn’t seen his mottled face. I’d definitely be less wrecked if he’d made eye contact or hadn’t been using his thumb and forefinger, as only men do, to scrub the tears from his red-rimmed eyes. If my brother would’ve looked at me, instead of studying the baseboards as he passed, I’d feel better about these next few steps I need to take.
But he didn’t.
No nod. No joking.
Not even a “yeah, yeah” that so easily trips from his tongue.
It’s not as if I’m heading to the guillotine.
But…
But, this fucking sucks.
“Brighton?”
Pop pokes his head into the living room where I’ve been pacing. That is, until the ghostly look on Braxton’s face stopped me dead in my tracks.
I lift my head and hold my father’s eyes and receive one solemn jerk of his chin as his answer. If I didn’t see him clench his teeth and a barely-there smile from where his lips are pressed tight together, I’d assume he was angry. He’s not. He’s fighting the emotional tidal wave that’s threatening to suck us all under.
My legs come unstuck, and like a young foal, I stutter step to the mouth of the hall. My head must be ducked low, because Pop puts a hand on my shoulders and rubs them like he’s pushing dust off the edges until I resume a normal stance.
He leans in and kisses my forehead before using the leverage he has on my body to turn me toward their room. With a soft nudge, he walks away. I wouldn’t know if not for the sound of his boots on the old hardwood floors thundering in my ears as eerie silence swallows everything else.
I walk, almost on tiptoe, to the open door and take a steadying breath before leaning around the jamb.
“Mom?”
“Hey, baby girl.” She lifts her too-frail hand and waves me in, patting the covers next to her.
I sit, trying not to notice the gray tinge painting her once beautiful olive skin. My strong, vibrant mother is too pale for her Italian heritage. Gone, too, is her thick, lustrous hair. It’s limp and sparse, stark against the unhealthy color of her gaunt skin.
Her robust, larger-than-life personality is muted to resignation.
That hits the hardest.
“Did I ever tell you I was afraid to have a daughter?”
I shake my head. This is the first time she’s ever mentioned anything like this.
“Growing up, I wanted a girl. I had names picked out, even knew exactly how I’d dress her. I was silly and immature.” Her eyes draw closed as she takes another breath. When they open, she continues. “The older I got, the more I realized I didn’t have the temperament to be a girl-mom. Your brothers? I had it easy with them—well, with Exton at least. But he and Brax… Being a mama to them was the most natural thing I’ve ever done. There’s enough of their father in them to temper what they got from me. But you?” She locks me with her fiery chocolate gaze. “From the moment you were born, you were different.”
“I—” My words catch in my throat, but quickly cut off the rest of that thought. What am I going to do… argue?
Her cool palm lands on top of mine, and I can’t remember what was worth fighting about.
“You were fire and you were ice. You were smart-mouthed, but so whip smart that I’d want to wring the sarcasm from your tongue, while at the same time cheering for you at your bold brilliance. You poked at things in me that I didn’t like about myself. And you did it unknowingly. It waged a war within me. How could I love something in you that I hated in myself? How could I admire you and celebrate you while wanting desperately to craft you into the best version of yourself? How could I be so proud of this girl who could give me fits? How had this” —she gestures to me from head to hip— “come from me? Could I take any credit at all?” She shakes her head, and I can see the pain behind the motion.
“No, Brighton Alexandra. This is all you. You were the precocious child who thought she could figure it all out on her own. Or study her big brothers for the answers. You were the girl who wouldn’t be told that rodeo was for boys or that little girls didn’t wear cowboy boots.”
“Stupid people,” I mutter and watch a grin play upon her mouth.
“You were the girl who knew exactly who she was and wouldn’t accept less than she deserved. I love that about you. But you know what?”
