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It’s odd. Now I can think of a place where I want to be and I’m there. I expect to find a waiting room full of people, but only my aunts Josie and Jenna are there, along with my uncle Jimmy. Everyone is sleeping, but the television is on with no sound. The bright colors of the TV show they are watching casts shadows around the small room.
Josie stirs. She opens her eyes and smiles. Can she see me? Does that mean my time is getting closer to the end? Why isn’t there a rulebook or some manual for us to read so we know what to do? I watch her for a second, studying her features. Her forehead is pinched as if she was dreaming about something bad.
Jenna sleeps on Jimmy as much as the chairs will allow. They can’t be comfortable, yet they both look very peaceful. Every few seconds, Jimmy sighs and adjusts his arms, pulling Jenna closer. When Eden was born, Elle and I were so excited to have a baby around. Eden was the first child we babysat. The age difference meant we could really play with Eden while Jenna ran to the store or Jimmy had band practice. It didn’t matter though because we were always together and had plenty of opportunities to play with her when she was a baby.
It hits me that the next time everyone likely comes together is for the birth of a baby, unless of course, I can’t fight my way back to the living. It’ll probably be Noah’s because he’s going to end up marrying Dessie, and they’ll have children. Maybe it’s good that I won’t be around to witness the birth of his children because I don’t know how I’d take it. I guess I’ll always have my dreams unless those go away when I die.
Elle though, she’s going to make a good mom. She’s always been more caring than me, always wanting to bring in stray cats, saving bugs from an untimely death and volunteering wherever she can. I’m going to miss it though, the day she becomes a mom. Maybe I’ll be able to watch from wherever it is I’m going, and be there when my niece or nephew is born.
And Quinn. He’d be the best uncle and dad too. He’d teach everyone how to play the guitar, piano and drums. Although for him to have children, he’d actually have to admit to having a girlfriend. All through high school, the girls would come around but they were never anything more than friends according to him. Maybe it’s because Elle and I always made fun of him when a girl would come over to study. It’s what little sisters do, right?
If I could cry, tears would be streaming down my cheeks right now. I’m not ready to die. Up until the accident I had my whole life ahead of me. My dream of reporting from the NFL sideline was happening, and even if it were only for one game, it was still my moment. And Kyle Zimmerman asked me out. I was excited for our dinner date, but when I looked into his eyes… he knew the truck was going to hit me but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He saw it coming, and so did I. I turned in time see the grill in front of my face. There was nothing stopping the collision.
Missing from the waiting room is my uncle Liam. I thought he would’ve been in to visit me, but he has yet to do so. I shouldn’t be sad about it, Jenna and Jimmy have visited, and Nick and Aubrey aren’t here. Liam’s my uncle and while we may not be related by blood, he’s been there for me since my father passed away. Even though I have Harrison, Liam is different. He’s the one connection I have to my dad when it came to our love of football.
I start to search the halls, thinking about him, hoping that if I do, I’ll somehow find where he is. There are so many voices saying my name, though. It’s hard to tell who is alive and who may be trying to get me to follow them toward the path of least resistance. That’s what I’m going to call it because I don’t want to go there. I feel like I’m back in school and my guidance counselor is talking to me about peer pressure. How it’s easy to fall into the trap of drugs and alcohol if someone you like is doing it as well. The speech fell on deaf ears. I grew up in Beaumont. Drinking at the water tower is a rite of passage, even one Harrison understood.
I find myself staring at the chapel. The door is slightly ajar, making the voice easier to hear. My name is said, and I step inside. The only light in the room comes from the various candles that are burning, and even with his back to me, I know it’s my uncle. He’s on his knees, praying, doing something I’ve never seen him do before. I slip into the pews behind him, knowing I shouldn’t eavesdrop, but I can’t help it. I want to see him. I’ve missed him and was so excited to tell him about the assignment, and I want the chance to tell him about the game.
