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SWAGGER AND SELF-LOVE
LIVY
“Yes, I heard. It is great news.” Not that it’s surprising at all. My sister is always accomplishing something.
“Can you believe they named her partner at such a young age? The youngest ever at the firm. And not just any firm—the most prestigious in New York. Your mother and I are impressed and so proud.” I can barely hear my father’s voice since he rarely joins my mother who uses speakerphone to communicate. He can hear, and that’s enough for him.
My mother, on the other hand, speaks directly into the microphone. “That’s how one earns her way, Olivia, tenacity, work ethic, daily excellence. You’ve both accomplished so much, and we’re proud of you equally.”
There it is…
My mother trying to fairly distribute the compliments and praise to allow for our differences, while my father fully appreciates commercial success. One that he doesn’t acknowledge in my case.
“This is about Tally,” I offer, veering the conversation back to why they called. “I’m so happy for her. I guess she clenched the Schweitzer merger, then?”
My father pipes in, “Natalia negotiated better terms than the company or the firm expected. It had something to do with stock shares they were able to split or acquire. She was able to bill an additional nine hundred thousand for the firm beyond their negotiated fee. She’s proven herself invaluable to the business.”
“I’m proud of her.” Well, I am and I’m not.
Tally is driven and successful but has absolutely zero balance in her life. She will accomplish anything she sets her mind to because she will grind her bones to dust doing it. She’ll forsake her physical health and her mental health in pursuit of accomplishment itself, not simply the end goal. She will look up and have missed her twenties and thirties, and I suspect her forties, too, just from working herself into exhaustion and an early death.
Even my mother won’t acknowledge that. My parents’ strict New England pedigrees won’t allow for play, only work.
I didn’t take dance; Ipursuedballet. Tally played soccer because the coach’s father-in-law was on the board of admissions for Wellesley. We weren’t allowed to join after-school clubs for interest… we built résumés for college.
They can’t be surprised by our high achievements since they created the habits and behaviors they wanted others to envy and ones we’d need in our work lives. Tally more so than me. She wears suits, keeps her hair in a tight chignon, has a driver to take her to work, and requires a personal shopper for her groceries. Now, she’s the youngest partner ever with the number three law firm on the planet.
A knock sounds on my door. “Mother, Father, I have a client. Talk soon.”
“Call to congratulate Natalia.”
“Yes, sir.” There’s no point in any other response. It’s what he expects. I disconnect, wondering if we’ll ever have a normal phone conversation.
Did they ask how I am? Did they ask about being on staff of an NFL team? Did they ask about my success? No, but I’ve stopped expecting that. Once I chose a “lesser field of study”—their term—like PT, instead of medicine, they all but said I wasted my talent and tuition money.
“Come in,” I say to the door and lean back onto my desk.
Layton Ranger’s ego pushes into the room ahead of him. If he were a cartoon character, a swirling cloud of red hearts would surround him, kept in motion by swagger and self-love.
He steps just inside the door, bag on his shoulder, making his contempt for our appointment apparent.
“Please come in.” I wave a hand to the chair and table in front of my desk. It’s his to choose.
He sits, avoiding the table, placing his bag beside his chair, looking imposing and dominant from his seat.
“I’m Livy Morgan.” I extend a hand that he shakes.
“Layton Ranger.”
“What was the hardest part of today for you?” I ask, still leaning against the desk, hands gripping the wood at my hips.
“Nothing.”
“It’s strength training, and you’re an athlete who chose to forego it, so there must’ve been some challenge.”
He frowns and shakes his head.
“You must know that everyone is a novice when they start anything new. You didn’t run a 4.4 40 your first time out.”
