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LAYTON
There’s something to be said for a catheter.
Chalk that up to thoughts I once thought were pathetic.
I need to pee and getting up almost isn’t worth it.
Chalk that up to the fact that I am pathetic. At least I’m still atalmost.
It must be the middle of the night. A lone light is on downstairs in the kitchen. It would be warm and inviting if I didn’t wish for the darkness to swallow me whole.
I do my business and turn off my bedroom light when I return, shutting the door as I do. No light, no window.
Blackness again,
Awake and alone with my thoughts.
I grit my teeth as I lie back in bed and grab my dick.
I haven’t been hard since, well… since I was with Pix. I couldn’t not be hard around her. Everything about her would make a man stand at attention.
I think of her face when she comes and stroke my cock, feeling my fingers there, experiencing the familiar slide against my skin. I rub my thumb across my crown.
It feels good, but in the way of a back rub or of a stranger’s touch against my arm.
It’s fine, but it doesn’t change my flaccid cock into anything… more.
A limp fish in my palm that doesn’t change with a stroke or a rub or a fantasy of being balls deep in the perfect woman.
They say this is normal. Trauma near the spine and with all I’ve been through could impact performance in these early days. Well, myperformanceis soft. No matter the stroke, no matter what I do with my sac, not even thinking of Livy warm and open beneath me, my dick doesn’t change.
Some patients experience spontaneous erections. That sounds awful. Uncontrollable hard-ons might be like revisiting middle school, but at least I’d feel like a man.
I can’t walk. I sure as hell can’t run.
I can’t fuck. I can’t give pleasure… Can’texperiencepleasure.
Even remembering Livy’s face, remembering her tight, wet cunt, does… nothing.
How much more can I lose?
* * *
Livy
I stare at my phone after doing a double take. I’m not losing my mind. The name is right there in awful digital clarity.
Tommy
One new notification.
Yeah, no. No one has time for the ex from hell unexpectedly messaging.
Tommy:We need to chat. Can I call you?
Not today, Satan. Not today.
Especially not today. I close the screen and slide the phone into my purse in the doctor’s office waiting room.
