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It wasn’t just going to be another piece of short, quick internet media that I popped out on a near-daily basis, these days.Life of Tomlinwas bigger than that. And it was going to get a lot of national attention.
“You ready for it?” Callie said.
“A little nervous. And I don’t get nervous about much.”
She hummed. “You nervous about what your crush is going to think? Maybe? Kind of? Just a little?”
“Shut up,” I grumbled. “Also, yes.”
“Too cute.”
I rubbed a hand over my face. “I’m so dumb. Tonight I’m going to drown my sorrows and forget about my crush, and then tomorrow, we watch my TV show and party. I need to get back to my normal self.”
“I like every version of you,” Callie assured me. “But I just want you to be happy.”
After we hung up, I took the long way home, driving down tree-lined streets instead of taking the freeway. Once I started climbing up the mountain, my swirling thoughts finally started to settle.
All I could do was be myself. It was what I had shoved away for almost my whole life, and I would never shove it away again. An easy, breezy playboy. That was me. The person everyone knew me as. Who I’d come to knowmyselfas.
I just had to push down Kace Tomlin, the person, and be every bit Kace Tomlin, the superstar.
That was all I had.
* * *
By that time the following day, people were already streaming into my house to get ready for the TV watch party. Every muscle in my body ached, and somehow I knew it was from more than just the training session.
“You look like you need a drink in your hand,” I told my buddy Mike as he walked in, giving him a fist bump.
“Damn right I do,” he said.
As the party got into full swing, I waited for the moment when I would start to feel like myself again. Being surrounded by people who were here to see me—in real life and on TV—should have been enough to make anyone feel at home. I had invited all of the Fixer Brothers crew to the launch party days and days ago, and I greeted Charlie as he walked in.
“You have the best house for a party, I swear,” Charlie said, glancing around. “And the bestguests. Holy shit, I’ve never seen so many hot guys in one place.”
“Feel free to have fun,” I told him. “I take it your date with the Sudoku master didn’t work out?”
“He was awful,” Charlie confirmed. “I’ve given up on men. Other than all the hotties here, of course.”
I laughed. “I know the feeling, Charlie."
He was already eyeing one of the guys I’d met on Instagram recently, a shy guy who was currently standing alone beside the fireplace.
“I think I’m going to go chat with him,” Charlie said. “You know, just see if his place is in need of any renovation projects.”
I gave him a little salute. “Go for it.”
I watched as Charlie attempted a conversation with the guy, but looked disappointed after a girl came up to him and gave him a kiss. It looked like the guy had a girlfriend after all. But Jax, the college jock bartender from Jade Brewery, walked in soon after, and he immediately found Charlie. The two of them latched onto each other immediately, needing a party buddy, and I was glad to see it.
Shawn and Rush came in soon after, accompanied by Tristan, Jack, and a couple of other contractors that sometimes worked with the Fixer Brothers. As I greeted all of them, I danced around the topic of asking where Nathan was.
Not that my eyes didn’t glance toward the front of my house every time someone new came in.
Bitter disappointment started to creep in, more and more, each time the door opened and I realized that Nathan still hadn’t shown up. I started to realize that it was possible he wouldn’t come at all, and as I made my usual circuits around the party, chatting with people and giving hugs, it felt more and more like there was a caged bird in my chest.
Quit fucking thinking about it, I told myself, trying to be my own coach.
So I dove headfirst into the party. Tonight felt even more alive than usual because everyone was crammed into my living room, bar, and kitchen area instead of spilling out into the backyard. We’d make good use of the back later on, but for the show launch, we were all going to crowd around the big screen.
