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I don't understand why this makes him look tortured.
"Why wouldn't you want to be honest? Why do you battle it?"
“Where I’m from… honesty can be perceived as a weakness."
I snort.
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Anyone can lie. Children lie. Cowards lie. It takes incrediblestrengthto be honest."
His eyes widen for a fraction of a second before he arranges his features in a poker face.
“You said I was already doing what I needed to, to earn your trust. Be specific."
"I already know that if I were anybody else, I’d probably be fired. But you haven't fired me.”
"If you were just an employee, I might warn you,” he says, with a bit of amusement in his voice. “I don’t fire employees on a whim. If you were my woman, I already told you what I’d do. I’d discipline you. But if you were my woman, you’d know what that meant.”
His…woman.
I'm not prepared for what that does to me. I shouldhatethe thought of any type of discipline. I don't understand why the thought of being over his lap makes me feel… excited? Nervous, but in a way that does strange things to my body?
“Since we're being honest," I say, even though my mind screams at me to stop, that I'm going down a road I don't want to travel, that I’m afraid I’ll never be able to take back. I can't help it. I say it quickly, before I lose my courage. “There's a part of me that wonders what that would be like with you." I think of the woman on the table and how beautiful she was in the throes of pleasure.
His voice is strangled. “Eden…”
"You said those people experience pleasure. I like the idea of… turning something that was painful to me into… pleasure. And I think you’d know exactly how to do that. And I…” I need a minute to formulate my words.
Stroking his thumb along my belly, he gives me space to continue. He respects me enough to wait. And this, this right here, is exactly what’s showing me that I can trust him.
“I’m not proud of the fact that I disobeyed you, Sergio. But again, being honest? If I had it to do over again, I would do the same thing, I know I would. I came out here because I was worried about you. You showed me kindness. You gave me hope. You didn’t treat me like the misfit I know I am. And the thought of you being hurt…"
I can't finish the sentence.
My heart pulses madly when he brushes his lips against my cheek.
I stare up at him with wide eyes. My pulse flutters in my throat like butterflies flapping their wings. And even though what I've been taught tells me that this is wrong, everything else in me, my inner desire to be loved, protected, and cherished, to be seen as an actual human, to experience intimacy on the deep level I know that the people here in this club experience… tells me this is what I want.
I wasn't created for servitude or to be used.
I was created to live. I was created to love. I was createdfor so. Much. More.
It's going to take a lot more time and experience before I can come anywhere near to rejecting deep-seated beliefs and fears.
But I can allow myself to be curious.
I can allow myself to wonder…
And maybe… just maybe… I can allow myself to trust.
Sergio cradles my face in his hands, as if I am made of the finest, most precious china in the world. He looks into my eyes as if he wants to explore every inch of who I am. As if nothing about me pushes him away.
This is so much more than a man who wants me for his own pleasure, and that both intrigues and terrifies me.
“Talk to me.”
"I wish I wasn't married. In my heart I’m not. I…I left him. And I’d rather die than go back.”
That wasn't what I wanted to say.
