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Dean shook his head and turned his attention back to his phone, but I caught the slight upward twitch of his lips. It hurt that he was responding to her and at the same time, I was grateful.
The line we were in moved forward a few feet until we turned around a corner. All of a sudden, a clown jumped out in front of Betts. She screamed and once again buried her face in my shoulder.
Dean laughed. My son laughed. It was awesome to see it and at the same time sad to realize I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen him laugh.
"It's a clown," Dean said. "You can't seriously be afraid of a clown."
Once again, Betts straightened. "Have you ever actually really looked at a clown? All that makeup hides some really evil stuff."
This time, I laughed as well, long and hard until I felt I had tears in my eyes. It was strange because what she said wasn't necessarily funny, and yet there was something about it. It released the tension. I had no illusion that my son and I were now going to bond and be best friends, but for a second, the disdain wasn’t in the air between us. There was just shared amusement at Betts.
Finally, the doors opened, and it was time for our group to enter. The place was dark and cool. I noted Dean shoving his phone into the pocket of his hoodie, and again, I was relieved. He was at least going to allow himself to experience this.
As we made our way through the dark corridors, a warm hand slipped into mine. I looked down to see Betts's green eyes staring up at me. I squeezed her hand, feeling so ridiculously glad that she was holding my hand.
I leaned over toward her. "I'll keep you safe from the bogeyman."
Her cheeks tinged with red and she looked embarrassed, but she said, "Thank you."
As we continued on, I didn't see the creepy crawlies or ghouls wandering about. All that existed was Betts's hand in mine and a fullness in my chest. It occurred to me that this is how it should have been with me and Taylor. She and I should've been taking Dean to things like this. But Taylor’s self-care and shopping and outings with her friends took up most of her time. My work had taken up mine. Dean had been left with nannies until a few years ago when Taylor enrolled him in boarding school.
I remembered at the time feeling that it wasn't the right decision. I'd known back then that we had both failed him by abandoning him. At the same time, I remember thinking that maybe it would be better for him. He'd be in a place that would nurture him academically and socially in a way that his mother and I couldn't. I'd been an idiot to think that because there was no way a parent should abdicate their responsibility to a school.
He lasted about six months before being kicked out, and his days at subsequent schools were smaller and smaller each time he was expelled. So far, he seemed to be doing okay at his new school. Maybe it was because he wasn’t having to live there that he was doing better.
Although it was difficult, I made sure I was home every evening to make him dinner even if he wasn't going to talk to me while he ate. I vowed that this time, I was going to do right by him, but I couldn't help but think how much easier it would be to have a partner to help me. A partner like Betts.
20
Betts
When did I become such a scaredy-cat? Maybe I always was. I wasn't someone who went to haunted houses growing up. And I didn't go to scary movies. The fact that people paid to have their hearts stopped by fear made no sense to me.
I'd taken Todd's hand out of instinct, but as he squeezed it reassuringly, it felt right, like that was exactly where it should be. As we moved through the place, I found myself inching closer and closer to him, screaming and gripping him. Even when I had a sense that something was going to jump out, it still scared the crap out of me.
Behind me, I could hear Dean laughing, and while it was a little embarrassing, every time he did, Todd had a look in his face like the sun had just come out. It was as if he hadn’t heard his son laugh. It was an indicator of just how far apart these two were, and it broke my heart for the both of them, although I knew that it was most likely Todd and Taylor's fault that Dean had grown into such a sullen and withdrawn kid. It looked like Todd was trying to connect with his son, and I hoped at some point, Dean would forgive his father and give him a chance.
I wasn't going to lie. I was glad when we came to the end of the scary stuff and exited into the dry desert air. I scanned the area, wanting to make sure that the tour was really done and nothing was going to jump out at me.
I felt a hand on my lower back. "Boo," a husky voice murmured next to my ear. It sent a chill through me, but not the scary kind. The gesture was intimate, and I looked over at Dean to see if he noticed, but he'd already pulled his phone out and was immersed in whatever was on the screen.
"How about we go to Lucky Buckets?" Todd turned his attention to Dean. "All you can play arcades on me."
Dean looked up and shrugged.
"I think that means yes," Todd said to me.
We got back into the car, and he drove us to the restaurant which to me seemed like a slightly more grown-up Chucky Cheese. They didn’t have pizza but instead burgers and chicken.
As we sat at the booth, Dean said, "Can I go play?"
"Sure thing." Todd pulled out several twenty-dollar bills from his wallet and handed them to Dean. It seemed like an awful lot of money to me, but Todd was filthy rich, so it was probably barely a drop in a bucket. It was a reminder about how different our worlds were. It was also a reminder of the amount of work he had to do to build and maintain his empire.
Todd hadn't married again because he was married to his business. I wondered if I could change that but immediately pushed the thought away.
My friends might've gotten their happily ever after, but it was so clear to me how perfect they were for each other. While Todd and I were compatible in bed, there were so many issues, including his being a workaholic and my boss, that got in the way. In fact, it was likely that his workaholism was why his marriage ended and he was estranged from his son.
Still, as Dean wandered off and Todd scooted closer to me, taking my hand under the table, my heart yearned to have something just like we had in this moment. Almost like a family.
