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I arched a brow, telling him I didn't believe him.
"I'm pissed that he took my phone. But I've hated him for a long time. Not that he cares. He doesn't give a shit about me."
All his words were loaded with emotion, and I had the urge to let him continue talking. Didn't talking things out help people feel better?
"Why do you think he doesn't care about you?"
"Because he doesn't," he barked. We both looked around the area, noting a few stares from others working at their desks.
"What has he done or not done that makes you think that?" I said, bringing Dean's attention back to me.
"All he cares about is his business. You can ask my mom. When Mom and I moved to California, he stopped coming to visit except for my birthday and Christmas."
"Have you told your dad that you feel like he's abandoned you?"
Dean scoffed. "He wouldn't care." He looked down, his hard shell starting to crack, showing me vulnerability. "Truth is, neither of them cares. Neither of them wants me."
My heart broke to hear him say those words. I thought of the child I was carrying in my belly and wondered what kind of future it had with Todd as a father. It was clear that he had made a lot of mistakes, but I had a hard time believing that he didn't care about his son. I could definitely see why Dean thought that, but that didn't make it true.
"I think your dad made some mistakes, but I also believe that he loves you."
Dean looked up at me like I was nuts.
"Why do you think you're here today?" I asked.
"To do my homework."
I nodded. "Your father took your phone and dragged you down here to do a school assignment. Why would he do that if he didn't care about you?"
He smirked. “Because it makes him look bad if I suck at school. Or maybe he wants my mom to think he's better than her."
I studied him. "Do you really believe that?"
He shrugged, his fingers playing on the mousepad of the computer. "I could run away and disappear, and they would both be relieved."
“I don’t know whether that’s true or not, but holding your feelings isn’t helping anyone. What if you’re wrong? You can’t assume your dad knows you feel the way you do. If you talk to him, you give him the opportunity to understand you and change.”
“He’s not going to change. Neither of them will.”
I wanted to reach out and hug him, to tell him that wasn't true. Aside from the fact that it would probably be inappropriate was the fact that I didn't think he'd accept it.
He shifted, straightening in his seat as he looked at the website page. "I'll work on this again." His words had a tone that told me the conversation was over.
"Okay, then. I'll check back in a little bit." As I stood, I put my hand on his shoulder, giving it a small squeeze, unable to stop myself from letting him know that he wasn't alone.
An hour later, he called me over, and I looked at the computer screen. On it was a webpage that was sleek and clean, yet vibrant.
He pointed to the screen. "These are all the pictures that you had of fundraising and charity events already on the site. These videos here, though, are stock videos. I couldn't find real videos, and since I can't go to social media sites, I couldn't find any there. But if you had some, you could put them there."
Based on what he had done before, I didn't have high hopes. As I looked over his work, I'd clearly underestimated him. The page was exactly what we needed. Fundraising and charity events were all about making money, but that was not why people join in. They join in for fun and community and service, and Dean had created a page that showed all of that.
"This is fantastic, Dean."
He flinched and stared up at me like he was wondering if I was patronizing him. I looked him in the eyes. "Really. This is very good.”
He turned to look at the screen, and the tension in him noticeably lessened, and a small smile hinted on his lips. The boy was starving for praise and attention because for too long, he didn't have it. Definitely not from Todd, and it sounded like maybe not from his mother, either.
I rubbed my hand over my belly, wondering about the child growing inside me. Todd was married when Dean was born. They had set out to have a child, and even with all that, they had failed. Not only was I not married to Todd, but I also wasn't sure what our relationship was except for boss and employee. If he'd found it difficult to be there for the son he had planned to have, how was he going to be with a child who was unexpected? Would he fulfill his obligation by helping financially but withhold the attention and affection, like he'd done to Dean? Was my child destined to grow up thinking the way Dean did, that his father didn't care for him?
