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When Todd invited me down to his office, I will admit, a part of me was looking forward to a moment alone with him. But we were at work, so when I entered his office, I was determined to be professional. When he shut the door and looked at me and I swore I saw longing in his eyes, I wanted to rush over and throw myself at him. When was this crazy attraction going to wane?
I was glad that he appreciated the time I spent with Dean, but I also knew that Dean's issues wouldn't be resolved until Todd took an active role in working with him. At first, he seemed receptive to what I was telling him. Then, all of a sudden, he closed up. He essentially dismissed me and was making his way to his desk. Talk over. Go away.
Maybe I should have returned to my own job, but a part of me felt that Todd needed someone to listen to him too.
I reached my hand out as he passed me and took his arm. "Todd."
He stopped, inhaling a breath as he looked down at my hand on his arm.
"You asked me my opinion and I shared it."
He gave a single curt nod but didn’t respond.
I moved until I was standing in front of him. "Why are you all of a sudden upset?"
His jaw tightened. "I fucked up. I don’t need to be reminded of it."
He wasn't wrong, and yet I still felt bad for him. "So, what are you going to do about it?"
He ran fingers through his hair. "I don't really know. I'm doing the best I can."
"Are you?"
His jaw tightened, and I could see him closing up again. "Yes, I am, Betts. Dean didn't come with a manual. I'm doing the best I can." He started toward his desk again.
"He thinks you don't love him."
Todd stopped, looking at me intently. "He said that?"
Maybe I shouldn't be sharing with Todd what Dean had said, but I couldn't help but feel like if Todd knew the extent of Dean's pain, maybe he'd have a better sense of what he needed to do.
I nodded. "He indicated that you didn't visit him very often, except for birthdays and holidays, like it was an obligation."
Todd's eyes closed, and I could see shame and guilt on his face.
"He doesn't seem to think his mother cares for them very much, either. He knows she brought him here because she didn't want him around anymore."
"Mother fucker."
"The point is, he doesn't feel wanted. If Taylor hadn't brought him to you, he wouldn't be here."
Todd looked at me, and I'd never seen him so vulnerable. "He is wanted. But he hasn’t wanted to see me in years."
"Who left who first?"
Todd flinched. "Taylor moved him to Los Angeles. I have a business to run."
I nodded. "But is that really more important than him? You say that he didn't want to see you, but who left first?"
For a moment, I thought Todd was going to toss me out of his office. He clearly didn’t like being called on his mistakes.
Instead, he turned away, walking over to the window. He was quiet for a long time, long enough that I began to think I should leave him alone with his thoughts. I was about to excuse myself when he turned to look at me.
"I've made a lot of mistakes. And I'm probably still making them, but I don't want to. I love my son, Betts. Now that he's here, I want to make it up to him. But it doesn't seem that he wants that. He might be angry and hurt, but he doesn't want to give me a chance to make it right. If only I were able to connect with him the way you do."
My heart went out to Todd because I could see that he was sincere. The guilt of his own actions and his inability to make it right weighed on him.
"Maybe it's just a matter of spending more time with him."
