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I stopped to stare at him. “You talked to Craig?”
Annoyance passed over his face. “Yeah. I’m guessing from his comments today my asshole brother didn’t tell you.”
“No.”
“Craig was so embarrassed when I was convicted, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Your mom…” Micah took a deep breath, staring at the pine trees in the distance. “I’d already lost everything I loved besides you, and I wasn’t in the right place to take care of you.”
“Prisondoesseem like a poor choice for raising a child.”
He gave me a half-smirk for my sarcasm. “You’re not wrong, but I was broken before I went to jail.”
“I spent a lot of time working on my demons, and by the time I came out of the darkness, you were long gone. Craig had moved you somewhere out of state. He was legally your guardian, and I’d lost all rights to you. In the end, I told myself you were better off. You wouldn’t miss me.”
“Are you kidding?” I scoffed. “I was six. Of course I missed you. I wrote you letters. I begged to go visit you. Craig told me you weren’t interested. You never wrote back, so I believed him.”
Micah’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t show any other signs of his anger, despite his history. “I never got any of your letters. Probably Craig’s version of protecting you from his dangerous little brother.”
Even angry and hurt, Micah’s insults weren’t really insults. Compared to Craig’s constant belittling, I had trouble believing my father was the bad influence.
“I never meant to abandon you,” he said gruffly. “I looked everywhere. But my resources were limited, and Craig’s online presence was anemic.”
I snorted, trying to keep myself from simply taking Micah’s intentions at his word. He couldn’t show up after fifteen years, apologize, say he didn’t mean for my life to unwind the way it did, and then expect everything to be okay.
Still, he wasn’t wrong about Craig. “He refuses to use social media, says it rots the brain. Aunt Melissa handles all the online stuff.”
“He always did look down his nose at technology as entertainment. I imagine he only got worse after I went to jail.”
We walked for a few more minutes, both of us comfortable in the silence, but I had one last question. My shoulders tensed, curling forward. Like I told Chloe at that first lunch, I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear the answer.
“What happened?”
He didn’t need me to explain what I was asking about. Micah turned back the direction we’d come and met my eyes. “How much do you remember about your mom?”
An image of a smiling woman with dark brown hair hanging past her shoulders flashed in my mind. She was singing off-key and dancing around with me in her arms. “Not much. I know she died not long before you beat someone almost to death.”
Micah nodded. “She worked at this little bar and grill place. We didn’t have much money, but we were getting by. One night, on the way home, she was killed by a drunk driver. I lost it. She—and you—were my entire world.”
My chest ached for him. The thought of anything happening to Chloe made my throat close up.
“He was our age, young, but unlike us, he came from money. His lawyers got him off with a slap on the wrist claiming your mom was at fault. It was a load of bullshit. He went home, and I got drunk. You were having nightmares because mom was gone, and I couldn’t sleep without her there. Craig came over to lecture me, and I sent you with him. ‘Go play with Uncle Craig. Dad has to do something.’” His gaze slid toward me.
“You still called me dad then. I drove over to his house, stone cold sober, and when he answered the door with a beer in his hand, I hit him. I didn’t stop hitting him until three random joggers dragged me away.”
“Was it worth it?”
“No. It didn’t bring your mom back—didn’t take the pain away—and I lost you too.”
I wanted to hate him. For giving in to his rage. For making revenge more important than his son. For the years I spent believing I could grow up to be a monster like him.
Except I couldn’t. I understood. Hadn’t I threatened two idiots simply for touching Chloe? If someone took her from me? I shook my head. The monster lived in me rent-free.
The only difference is I wouldneverabandon my child.
Micah let out a long breath. “I’m sorry. We were happy once. Love is a beautiful thing, but it can be as destructive as a wildfire. I hope you never have to live that lesson.”
My landing came into view, still blessedly empty. I felt like I’d run sprints for two hours—or another 5K. I was emptied out, but it felt clean. Like starting fresh. Maybe we could build something new outside of Craig’s toxic influence.
I cleared my throat. “I’m not making any promises, but thanks for talking to me.”
