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Harper rolled her eyes in that way Asshole Lloyd did whenever I asked him a question. They both think they’re so above me.
Not Irina. I get the feeling her family was on the uppity side. She lived in a fancy house in Vermont and now on the Rogers estate. She is surrounded by money, yet she doesn’t act like a snob.
“I don’t know what style house I’d like,” I explain. “My mom always wanted a house with a sloping roof. I think the style is called contemporary. She would describe her dream house as having so many windows that the outdoors would feel like it flowed inside. I always figured I’d build something like that, but living alone didn’t interest me.”
I tighten my lips as if I’ve shared too much. Irina suddenly feels like a stranger, and I can barely open up with my closest friends.
“I was never close with my parents like you were with your mom,” Irina says in a low voice like she’s afraid to be heard. “I didn’t miss them after I left. I don’t think they missed me, either. They were mostly embarrassed by how I walked away.”
Irina’s blue eyes study my face before she offers a tender little smile. “I think if you do build a house one day, you could make your mom’s ideas come alive.”
Her words cut right through my wariness. Irina isn’t a party girl. What we’re feeling is real.I don’t need to hide from her.
The noise in the restaurant falls into a void until Irina and I are alone in the world. With my defenses down, I really allow myself to see the woman I want to make mine.
Irina isn’t cold. She hides out of fear. She dodges questions that’ll lead her down a dark path to a past filled with loss and regrets. Irina shares just enough to fill in the blanks.
I don’t know how to make her feel safe enough to open up in a real way. Maybe Irina is smart to hide from her past. I often wish I could press the delete button on my bad memories. Just remember the good parts with my mom and skip to the years with the club. Ignore all the unfortunate turns my life took to get to where I am now.
Though I’m unsure about the right path for Irina and me, I know we’ll walk it together. Trusting anyone is difficult, but she’s worth the patience and effort.
IRINA
Eagle’s every smileand frown intoxicate me. I’m fascinated by this man. All those fantasies I whipped up when we were apart didn’t do him justice.
I’m most surprised by how Eagle’s a mama’s boy. His exterior is hard, tatted, intimidating. Underneath, he owns the soft heart of a boy who never got over losing the most important person in his life.
As we enjoy our meal, I ask, “How did you get involved with your club?”
“Since I was a kid, I hung out with those guys. After high school, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Ruin always acted like he had a plan. There’s an authority to him. That’s why I followed him, even if he rubbed me wrong.”
“Rubbed you wrong how?”
“Hoyt Macready was always the golden child. Good things just fall into his lap. He never went through a loser phase during his teen years. Girls always crushed hard on him. He got through school without studying hard. He was an athlete. I looked at him and saw everything I wasn’t.”
Eagle rubs the back of his neck and looks around. “I guess he made me feel like a loser.”
