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“Uh-huh.”
“You wanted me,” Wynonna snaps back, outraged by my lack of horny nostalgia. “You stupid bitch.”
Ralph Junior announces, “Mama, the Lord can hear you.”
“No, he can’t, baby,” she says while still glaring at me. “He’s got his hearing aid turned down.”
There is no way Esther understands her mother’s bullshit, but she snickers all evil-like at her brother’s expression. One day, men will fear that girl’s temper in the same way they do Wynonna’s.
Except I don’t think Ralph Junior will grow up to be a berserk fucker like Ruin. Her brother is the main reason Wynonna took so long to land a man. Ruin’s violent ways also explain why she can start shit she can’t finish on her own. Big brother loves to sweep in and save her.
“I’ll ask Irina about Thanksgiving.”
“It’ll be a fun affair,” Wynonna says, smiling now that she’s gotten her way. “All the girl gang will be around. Well, maybe not Rosemary. I think she and her lumberjack are going north for the holiday. Otherwise, the girls will be around. We’ll welcome your lovely lady to our circle. Assuming Todd Rogers managed to have a non-evil kid, we’ll be nice to her, too.”
“I can’t imagine Selene, Yazmin, or Landry would ever be cruel to Fiona, even if you are.”
“Oh, because they’re so fucking nice?” Wynonna snarls.
“Yes.”
Wynonna waves away my answer. “Well, my evil stepmother will be around. If I need help bullying anyone, I’m sure she’ll back me up.”
“Just be nice.”
“Never. Not after you got my back up. Since I’m feeling attacked, I need revenge.”
“Take it out on me, then.”
“Fine. You stand still while I nail you in the balls.”
Moving away from her, I grumble, “Fuck that. I might want kids with Irina. Leave my balls alone.”
“Okay, then. Turn around, and I’ll kick you in the ass.”
“No fucking way. I don’t trust you not to go low and nail me in the balls anyway.”
“Smart,” Ruin says, appearing from around the house.
Wynonna immediately squawks at her brother, “Are you stalking me?”
“Yes.”
She smiles sweetly before patting his bearded jaw. “So protective. Like a mama bear.”
“Stop calling me that. I knocked up Selene. My balls still work.”
Wynonna looks at her kids for their opinion on their uncle’s masculinity. Esther shakes her head while Ralph Junior seems confused.
“Should we be nice to Uncle Hoyt?” she asks to help her son catch on to the conversation thread.
Esther keeps shaking her head, but Ralph Junior nods.
“He’s always been a standup guy.”
Ruin grins at his nephew’s comment. “Iama standup guy.”
I stare at my president, wondering if I’m supposed to nod. Wynonna snickers at how I don’t do a damn thing.
