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“How do you know?” I asked when I was nine and my sister’s birth sucked all the fun from my mom.
“I don’t, baby,” Jillian says during one of those rare moments when she could focus on only me. “It’s just something I believe. You feel special to me.”
I used to think the only reason I believed my mom’s lies was that I loved her so much. But I realized later how it was because she loved me so much. No one else did. Not my grandparents or my asshole stepdad or my three little sisters. Only my mom saw me and smiled like I was a blessing rather than a curse.
Rejection can twist up a person. These days, I’m not on the outside. My club brothers and sister created the family I missed out on while growing up. They accept me, even if it took a while with many of them. We’ve been friends for thirty years. I never need to pretend with them.
Not that I fake shit for anyone else. I can’t smile when I don’t want to. I won’t ask questions about topics I don’t care about. If a situation isn’t working, I walk away.
I probably would have enjoyed life more if I were a more relaxed guy. One of my closest friends doesn’t let fucked-up shit get him down. Tommy “Hobo” Clark grew up with the weirdest parents. Their bizarre lifestyle choices nearly killed him more than once. He was always poor, often hungry, and usually nursing an untended-to wound. However, he found a way to smile through all the bullshit.
Few people have ever been able to get me to open up. Even with my friends, I hold back and feel awkward. My club president once suggested I ought to knock the chip off my shoulder to improve my fighting skills.
“It’s throwing you off-balance,” insisted Hoyt “Ruin” Macready.
Without hesitation, I replied, “Naw, it’s easier to just stick a chip on the other shoulder to even me out.”
That’s what I did.Adulthood never settled down my surly ways. I frown at everyone. I always think people are fucking with me. I’ve never had a girlfriend. I just don’t like most people.
However, I liked Irina immediately.
The curvy brunette appeared in my life like a trick of the light. I couldn’t believe she was real. Her heart-shaped face and big blue eyes were simply perfect. I’d never seen anyone more beautiful.
The other women at the club’s weekly parties were varying degrees of hot. Any of them might be a fun time, but none were memorable.
The night I met Irina, I was talking up a chick that I may or may not have spoken to before. They all blurred together by that point in my life.
The Steel Berserkers Motorcycle Club has been running McMurdo Valley since I was in my early twenties. With power came money and available pussy.
That chick was young, only a few years older than my mom was when she got knocked up with me. I’d been thinking about how I just kept getting older, but the party girls stayed young.What could I really do, though?
I never chase women or invite anyone to these things. They just arrive, drink our booze, smoke our weed, wet our dicks, and return to their lives.
Occasionally, we’ll suffer from a clingy bitch. Someone like Dana who got obsessed with being double plugged by cousins, Ruin and Nash “Tomcat” Childs.
However, most chicks aren’t like Dana with a sex-positions checklist or the misguided hope of winning a biker’s heart.We were fun. They were fun. No one got hurt.
Except I hurt plenty as Irina left me that first night. When I wrapped that beautiful woman in my arms and kissed her, I saw myself tumbling down the same lovestruck hole that several of my club brothers had fallen into recently.
However, Irina bailed before I knew anything about her. As I watched her drive away, I was certain I was being punked. I didn’t dare ask my club brothers—or our chick member Lisa “Goose” Palmer—if they sent Irina to mess with me. If I was the target of a prank, I refused to show how they got me.
For the next week, I couldn’t get Irina out of my head. I blew off any chick showing me interest around town. I only wanted another taste from one particular brunette.
A week later, Irina returned. I’d been outside when she arrived. By then, I’d gotten stuck on how I’d never see her again. Invigorated by her appearance, I nearly shoved a few people to the ground to reach her side.
Irina’s expression shifted from worry to excitement at the sight of me.Yeah, we were on the same page.
After getting her a drink, I corralled her away from the others.
“Did you make your curfew?” I asked, feeling my way around her secrets.
“Barely.”
“If you’re married, you need to fess up. It’s like the cop rule.”
Irina gave me a delicious grin. “I don’t think either one is a real rule.”
“No, but I’m asking you nicely.”
