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We struggle against each other, her pulling me to look and me tugging to get away. I take her wrists in my hands, and she releases the grip on my head. I keep hold of her wrists and push her against the wall gently. “I’m not disgusted, Mae. I’m not sick to my stomach. I look at you and I want to fuck you. I want to lay you on that bed and make love to you so bad that I disgust myself, because that’s the last thing I should be thinking,” I confess angrily. “You’re gorgeous. No amount of bruises can turn me off your sexy body, but they remind me how I didn’t protect you, andthatis killing me.”
I hear her slight intake of breath. “Kiss me,” she whispers.
I shake my head. “No, that’s the last thing I should do.”
“Please, Ace.” Tears fill her eyes. “I feel so ashamed and dirty. I want to feel how I did before.”
I take her face in my hands. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You haven’t done anything wrong. You aren’t dirty. You’re amazing and strong . . . so much stronger than I could ever be.”
Mae moves closer, stretching up on her tip-toes. I don’t move forward to meet her, but I don’t pull away either. Her lips brush gently over mine and still I don’t move. This needs to be on her terms. She sweeps her tongue across my bottom lip, and I automatically open for her to deepen the kiss. It’s slow and gentle, like she’s unsure, but I let her take her time. My heart pounds in my chest as I keep our bodies from touching. I don’t need her to know about the bulging erection she’s given me.
When she pulls away, she looks shy and bashful. “Thank you.”
I smile. “Anytime. Glad to be of service,” I joke. “Now, eat something. I’ll come back in the morning.”
Mae looks alarmed. “You aren’t staying?”
I instantly feel guilty. “I have plans. But good news, Doc reckons you’ll be feeling more like yourself in the next couple days. I mean, you’re looking much better already.”
“Plans?” she repeats.
“I can cancel. It was just a catch-up with the guys.”
She’s already shaking her head. “It’s fine. I’ll see if Piper is free. I’m not your problem.”
“Mae, it’s not that. You aren’t a problem. I just thought that maybe you were getting sick at the sight of me.” Mae wraps the sheet around herself. “Honestly, Ace, it’s fine. I’ll be fine.”
I’m not convinced by her act, but I think it’s safer for us both if I stay away from her tonight. Our kiss is burnt into my brain.
MAE
I wasn’t going to ask Piper to come, but Ace took it upon himself to invite her on my behalf. I said it just to ease his conscience, but I only really want to be around him. I feel like nobody else understands.
“Things got crazy while you were away.” Piper is flicking through a magazine and chatting like nothing’s happened. “Tag and Lucy split up, she was so mad at him.”
“Why?”
Piper looks up from the magazine. “Because she said it was his fault you went missing.”
“But it wasn’t,” I say.
“It was Tag’s dad behind it. They wanted Lucy. She was so mad that they left Abel in the park like that.”
“Shouldn’t she be thankful they didn’t take him too?”
“I guess so. The trauma sent her crazy. She won’t even come up here and see you. She totally feels guilty.”
“I don’t blame anyone.” I sigh. “It happened, it’s over. We all need to move on.”
“Are you okay?” she asks. “I mean, really okay?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I guess. I keep having nightmares and I don’t want to close my eyes. Doc talked about seeing a counsellor. Maybe it’ll help.”
“You must have been so scared.”
“Is it crazy that I’m glad it happened to me and not you or Lucy, or any of the other girls?”
She smiles and takes my hand. “That’s because you’re so nice, and that’s how I know you’ll get through it, Mae. You’re strong.”
