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My body stiffens slightly. “Is that an order?” I try to think of a way out of this. He knows about my nightmares, but I don’t know if he knows I almost killed the last guy I stayed the night with.
“No, but I'd like the company. It's a cold night,” he says, laying back on the bed and letting me decide.
I walk over to the bed and sit on the edge. “I, um… I've never really… slept with anyone before.”
His body shoots off the bed and he looks at me with wide eyes. “Damnit Evie, are you telling me you were a virgin?” His voice seems panicked.
I can't help but laugh at him. “No,'' I say between laughing breaths. “I've had sex with plenty of men.” None of which have made me see stars and believe I was on a different planet like Damien just did, but I'm definitely not sharing that with him.
“I mean I’ve never slept with anyone before, as in sharing a bed through the whole night.” He finally relaxes a little bit with the confession. “I tried to, once, but it...it didn’t end well.”
One minute he’s staring at me, then the next he is scooping me into his arms and tucking me into him with my back to his front as he drapes Lev’s blanket around us. “Well, in that case, let me be your first.” He wraps his arms around me and nuzzles in my ear bringing goosebumps to my neck. “This is called cuddling. It’s kind of like popping your sleeping buddy cherry,” he whispers in my ear with humor in his voice.
I giggle. “Do you normally cuddle with the people you have sex with?” His body goes tense behind me, and I crane my neck to look at him “You don't have to tell me, I was just being nosey.”
Yet I still find myself wanting to know the answer. He starts to relax and puts his mouth next to my ear again. “How about a truth for a truth? I'll answer you if you tell me why you haven’t stayed with anyone before. Because after having tasted you, I can already promise I'll be going back for seconds in the morning.”
I can't help but moan in response to his dirty words. When I do, he reaches down and grabs my ass, giving it a firm squeeze. “Or maybe I'll just start round two now.”
I laugh while I grab his hand to pull it back around me. “I don't think so, big guy. After that pounding, my body needs a little break.” I can already tell I'll be feeling him all day tomorrow.
We fall into a comfortable silence when I decide to answer him. “I’ll tell you why I haven’t slept with anyone—if you’ll tell me who hurt you?”
Chapter 45
I can’t remember a time when someone asked about my scars and I didn’t immediately punch them in the throat or walk away. It’s not something I’ve ever talked about. But what kind of hypocrite would I be if I just told Lev and Evie to feel how they feel while I run away from my emotions?
Evie is quiet, trailing her fingers down the scars on my arm while she waits for me to answer. Slowly, she shifts in my arms to face me. She’s so beautiful, it’s almost painful to look at.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I don’t need to know.”
“You don’t… but do you want to?” It’s weird to me that I’m not angry with her asking. It’s even weirder that her touch soothes me instead of making me feel sick. Touching is one thing if I initiate it, it’s a whole other story when someone else touches me though. But with her, it’s like my walls no longer exist. I’m just me and that’s enough.
“Do you want to tell me?” Her silver eyes hold no judgment. And I find that for the first time in my life, I actually want to.
“I think you're the first person I’ve ever wanted to tell,” I confess. She shared her scars with me, ones not hidden by tattoos, not trying to hide them at all in fact. Then she let me add to them, making me a part of her forever. I glance down at the mark I made on her chest. It peeks out just over the deep stretched-out collar of her shirt. I move my hand to touch it, worried now that maybe it was too much.
But the way she looks at me now, her eyes soft and her body pulled close, I can’t bring myself to regret becoming a part of her. So I give her part of me in return.
“My father. He wasn’t a great man. He was nice enough to me as a child but never the ‘I love you’ kind of guy. When I was a teenager, my mother was killed in a car accident and he started drinking.” I pause for a moment to collect my thoughts; Evie’s hand settles on my chest. I don’t know why, but that simple touch gives me the courage to keep going.
“The first time he hurt me, it was an accident, but I think it only showed him the power he had over me. Soon it became a daily thing, seeing what he could get away with and how many bruises he could hide. When that got boring for him, he escalated and started leaving marks. Soon after, I learned to fight back, but that only made him hire men to train me. They would end up beating me instead of him.”
I roll on my back to look at the ceiling, not wanting to admit this next part. “I wanted his approval so fucking bad. I trained every day, and eventually, I became good. Dimitri was one of my mentors and the only man who ever put himself between me and my father. His death felt like a loss of who I am.” She wraps her arms around me then.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. But I know it’s not out of pity. It’s because she understands.
“He started putting me in some underground fights and I would win for him. It was the only time I felt like I was worth anything. Eventually, I learned the kind of man he was and tried to take back some of the power. But it was too late. I was already the monster he wanted me to be.”
Evie sits up next to me and brushes her fingers through my hair. “Do you know why I came in here tonight? Why I stayed with you?” Her fingers still brush through my hair.
“No,” I say honestly. She just always seems to be there when I need her. After everything that happened today, I needed her in my arms to know she was safe. I was about to walk to her room when she knocked on my door.
“My thoughts were racing when I was alone, and I wanted to be somewhere I felt safe. I wanted to be with someone who made me feel safe.” She pauses, letting her words sink in. “So,” she leans down, brushing her lips against mine, “I went to Lev’s room.”
I roll her over, pinning her under me while she laughs. “I might need to change your nickname to Little Brat,” I tease, loving how easily she lightened the mood.
“I like being your Little Shadow, kinda like you can never get rid of me,” she says laughing. Her face grows serious as she cups my cheek with her hand. I lean into her touch, loving how warm and soft she is. “Damien, just because you have monsters, doesn’t mean you are one. And even if you were, there’s no one I’d trust more to keep me safe than the monster inside of you.”
