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Alexi’s brow pinches as he looks at him. “Why the fuck would you say that? I’ve made it pretty fucking clear I’m not toying with her anymore.”
“You also made it pretty fucking clear that we couldn’t kill your piece of shit friend even after he pulled a stunt like this,again,” Lev snaps back.
“Again?” Alexi asks, confused. Well shit, we definitely forgot to tell him about that.
“He tried to force her after you let him watch your little show. He assumed she was just a plaything for him too,” Lev informs him.
Alexi looks to me for confirmation. “He’s right, I was there,” I tell him.
He looks down at Evie and as he reaches out to touch her hand Lev grabs him. “She doesn’t want you to touch her.”
Alexi clenches his fists and locks his jaw. “Fine.” He turns to leave.
“I called Doc,” I inform him, making him pause. “He thinks she’ll be okay. We’re going to keep her here so she doesn’t wake up in the hospital again.”
Keeping his back to us, he nods and then leaves.
“You’re going to have to talk to him,” I tell Lev, gently. “He was looking out for us.”
He looks down at Evie, running a finger down her cheek. “Says the guy who punched him in the face when he refused to let the piece of shit die,” he says, cutting his icy eyes to me.
“I overreacted,” I say, raising my voice slightly. I knew Alexi was just trying to protect us, but my mind didn’t have the capacity to see it that way until I could process everything. “You’re allowed to be angry, Lev. Just make sure that anger is focused on the right person.”
He sighs, sitting down on the bed and taking Evie’s hand in his. She’s not even awake but somehow she still has a way of calming him. “You’re right,” he says after a few minutes of silence. “I’ll talk to him and apologize.” He shakes his head, keeping his eyes on Evie. “I don’t know how to do this feeling thing, but I’m trying.”
“There’s no book for how to react in these situations. None of us are going to get it right the first time,” I reassure him. “Just own up to it when you need to and things will get better.”
He nods as he lays down next to our girl. I lay on her other side, careful not to pull the cords on her monitors but needing to feel both of them close.
Eventually, we both drift to sleep to the steady sound of Evie’s heartbeat reminding us that she’s still here, she’s ours, and she’s safe.
Chapter 42
I wake up feeling disoriented. If this shit doesn’t stop happening to me, I’m going to fucking kill someone. Moving slowly, I try to sit up, and a wave of nausea hits me so fast all I can do is dry heave where I am. A hand goes to my back as another turns on a light as a trash can is held out in front of me.
Damien's eyes come into focus first, and I remember him being there, saving me. My arms reach out for him, startling him. I wrap my body around his as the emotions overtake me, pulling myself into his lap. He saved me. He was there and he stopped it. His large arms cage me to him as I sob like a toddler. Wires pull under my shirt as I tangle myself in his arms, but I don’t care.
No one has ever gotten there in time before. Every other person in my life was too late. Everyone except Damien. He was right there, and I have the overwhelming urge to tell him everything. To tell them about the mission, my uncle, my parents, all of it.
He squeezes me tighter, and my throat constricts with emotion as I feel Lev run his fingers through my hair. It’s such a simple gesture, but it grounds me even more in a way I didn’t know I needed.
I feel like my soul is coming apart, all of the carefully constructed walls I created over the years to harden me are crumbling under the weight of these men. They may not be good men, but they have been there for me at every turn. I don’t want to hurt them anymore. I never really wanted to hurt them. All I ever wanted was for the man who killed my parents to pay.
“Damien,” I choke out. “I… I,”
“Shh, shh, it’s okay, Little Shadow. It’s over,” Damien says, rubbing my back, trying to comfort me. Lev slides the monitors off of me, touching me slowly and carefully.
“No.” I shake my head at him, needing to tell them this truth, needing to see if there is any way they can forgive me and maybe even help me.
“I have to tell you something.” I pull back, looking into his hazel brown eyes. “I haven’t been honest. You’ve both protected me.” I grab Lev’s hand in mine. “You’ve been there when I didn’t even know I needed saving. You've watched my back even when I tried to push you away. You could have left me alone on that bathroom floor, you could have left me with Bryce in that car.”
I look from Damien to Lev, his green eyes sparkling with moisture. “You could have let me die in that car. You could have let the panic take me that night and left me to deal with it on my own. I thought you guys were monsters,” I say choking on a sob, furious I have to pause to get the words out. I have never been so emotional, but the words just keep spilling out of me.
“But you’re not, not to me. I… I’m the monster,” I finally confess.
Before I can get another word out, Damien pulls me in for a kiss. The taste of salt from my tears coats our lips. I lean into it, trying not to worry about how Lev feels. Long fingers brush the back of my neck as Lev starts trailing kisses over it and I’m lost. My brain goes numb as comfort envelops me from both sides.
“You’re not a monster,” Lev whispers in my ear. “You’re ours.” He bites into my neck, branding me with that promise.
