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It was a legitimate question, honestly. I thought back to how shittily I’d treated her at the beginning of all this, when I’d been more than unhappy about being mated to a fallen-blood. With all of my issues and personal hang-ups, would I ever have gotten close to her? The very thought of never finding her filled me with mortal dread, but if there’d never been a bond to begin with, how would I have reacted?
When I had my thoughts in order, I looked up to see Ashe still waiting patiently for my answer.
I might as well be honest.
“I don’t know.”
Weirdly enough, the words leaving my mouth felt like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. It was as if honesty itself was working something free within me.
“When we met, it was… chaos. We were both in danger,” I continued. I wasn’t sure why I felt fine about spilling my guts to someone I’d only just met, but there was no stopping it now. “She’s half-fallen-blood, and I hated all fallen-bloods. Without the bond, I might have been too angry to ever get close to her, but I… I think I would have still helped her get out of danger, even if I was being an asshole about other things.”
“You didn’t like fallen-bloods, yet your mate is one?” Ashe asked, grinning at me. “Seems like the forces of the universe had it out for you.”
I had to huff out a laugh. “Yeah, I guess they were trying to teach me a lesson.”
“So you don’t think you would have liked her because you have Bastille-related trauma?”
“I didn’t mention Bastille.” I glared at him suspiciously for the comment, and he rolled his eyes.
“Bastille was responsible for a lot of shit. It’s not a reach to assume that he’s behind most, if not all of everyone’s fallen-blood-related trauma. Anyway, do go on.”
I couldn’t really argue with that, sadly enough. “I don’t think I would have liked her right away. But if I ever managed to get over myself and met her again after that, I… think that I could have. Eventually. The bond just sped up the process by a huge degree.”
Ashe seemed to be taking my words seriously, but I ignored him in favor of responding to the pure affection that flooded over me at my words. Aria must have thought that stammered-out confession had been the most romantic thing in the world.
“And she’s just in your head, all the time?” Ashe asked, breaking me out of my reverie.
I hesitated about answering, but Aria just nudged me excitedly.
He’s probably asking because of his bond with Auren, Sariel!she chirped at me. It felt like her wolf’s tail was wagging, for some reason.
“Not all the time, but a lot of it. We can feel each other’s emotions without thinking about it, too.”
“Interesting. It’d be pretty good for espionage, wouldn’t it?”
I blinked. That was a… weird takeaway, but okay. “I guess so.”
Ashe nodded once, appearing satisfied with that conclusion. “That’s good to know. Maybe I’ll be able to find a pair that can work with me. Telepathy would make things a lot easier in the long run.”
Oh,Aria said.Maybe he…didn’twant to know because of Auren?
“No offense to you two, but the bond doesn’t sound that appealing to me,” he proceeded to say. “I like being alone in my own head, and I’m a big fan of the ‘choice’ way. I’d rather pick someone out by myself as opposed to having the powers that micromanaged my life, you know? I blame my two old men for that. They can be kind of sickeningly sweet together.”
Confusion rose up within me even as I nodded in response. It rose up within Aria, too.
My first instinct was to get defensive on my little brother’s behalf, but after I thought about it a little more, something didn’t seem right. Ashe wasn’t really talking like he was rejecting the bond or Auren, he was talking like he just… didn’t have one altogether.
Before I could ask after it, his attention focused back onto the paintings lining the wall. “I was being serious, by the way. How much do you want for these? While we couldn’t bring too much with us, we did at least drain our banks.”
Was he trying to change the subject because he was uncomfortable? No, no, it didn’t seem like it. He had that same neutral smile on, and I wasn’t smelling distress coming off of him.
“If you really want one, you can just have one,” I said, keeping my eye on his expression. When he turned to me with an excited, if skeptical glint in his eyes, I stopped being sure of what I was even looking for in them.
“Really?” he asked. “You don’t have to be shy about money, you know.”
“There’s no real use for money in the compound. You can wire it to Auren, if you really want.”
I got a blank stare. “Who’s Auren?”
