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Her hatred had flayed him… but her indifference? That would fucking kill him.
A tiny whimper dragged him out of his funk and he stared down at Fifi, who had her front paws endearingly perched on one of his feet as she stared up at him, a quizzical tilt to her head.
He smiled and bent to pick her up and cradle her in the crook of his arm.
“You must be hungry.” Her head tilted again, at the sound of one of her favorite words; hungry. “Let’s get your breakfast and then we can get changed and take that walk.”
A head tilt in the other direction when he said “walk”. She was so fucking adorable. He kissed her round little head and put her down again where she danced around his feet, eager for her food.
He got her fed and had some toast and marmalade while she ate, even though he wasn’t really hungry. He kept hoping Lilah would come back downstairs but he didn’t hear a peep from her for the rest of the morning. By the time he was dressed in a cargo pants, hiking boots, flannel shirt and bomber jacket, she still hadn’t come down.
He hoped she didn’t feel trapped in her room because of his presence, and by the time he had Fifi in her pink and black houndstooth harness coat, he hoped that she’d come out and eat something while they were gone. He hated the thought of her feeling confined to quarters because of him. If that was the case, it would probably be best if he left.
He sighed as he and Fifi traversed the steep path down to street level. It was starting to drizzle, but the shitty weather suited his mood. Fifi didn’t seem to mind it either, trotting along smartly at the end of her leash, attracting stares, and smiles where ever they went. By the time they reached the steep path back up toward the house, she’d had enough and the little princess demanded to be picked up and carried the rest of the way.
Ben was a slave to her every command and tucked her under his jacket—since the rain was coming down harder now—and made his way back up to the house.
It was quiet when he let himself back into the house. They’d been gone for nearly an hour and a quick glance at the kitchen revealed no extra dishes in the sink. Only his breakfast things. He frowned, it wasn’t like Lilah to skip breakfast… but he was making a concerted effort not micromanage her life or be hyper critical of the way she managed her health and well-being. That would be taking a step back from the progress he liked to think they’d made.
“Since when have you been such an eternal optimist, Ben?” he asked himself under his breath, shaking his head, laughing at his own foolishness.
Optimism was fading fast though. After their last exchange, he wasn’t sure at all if there was any hope left here anymore. She’d forgiven him. She didn’t seem to hate him anymore.
Those were all wins.
So why did he feel like a massive loser right now. Like he’d gambled everything in a high stakes poker game and lost.
He had nothing left to sweeten the pot. It was time for him to admit defeat and give her that divorce she wanted.
Ben and Fifi changed into more comfortable lounging clothes, him into gray sweatpants and hoodie, Fifi into a warm pink sweater. He grabbed a snack bar from the pantry, and a tough chewable treat for Fifi and they both settled down on the big living room sofa to watch some TV. Ben laying with his head on the armrest and his legs stretched out on the sofa, and crossed at the ankles.
He rarely watched television. It wasn’t a favorite activity of his. He preferred to stay in motion when he was bored, or read when he was looking for entertainment. But today he was happy to just eat his snack bar and watch some horrific zombie movie.
Fifi grew tired of her snack and crept onto his chest to snooze. Ben absently played with her silky ears and felt his mind drifting, while he watched the outlandishly gruesome scenes unfold onscreen.
Lilah awoke from her nap feeling even more exhausted than she’d been when she’d crept under the covers a couple of hours earlier. When she got up, she was happy to discover her stomach had settled a bit and she was ravenous. Which was a good thing, since it was nearly six in the evening and she hadn’t really eaten anything all day except a couple of crackers.
She yawned, donned her favorite slippers and left her room. A bloodcurdling scream made her pause halfway down the stairs. She didn’t know what the hell Ben was watching but it sounded terrible. More screams and some stilted dialogues were followed by a flurry of gunfire.
