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Lilah stared at him, not saying a word.
“You know that,” he breathed. “Of course you know that. You were victim to it. Fifi nearly was too… I wouldn’t have allowed her to creep into my affections the way I have. She would probably have lived a life of splendid luxury and emotional neglect. But what you said really resonated with me.”
“What did I say?” Lilah tried to think back to that day but drew a blank on what he could be referring to.
“The thing about not letting her become another female I promised to love only to let down in the end.”
Lilah looked down at the dog again. Fifi definitely wasn’t living a life of emotional neglect. Lilah couldn’t recall the last time she’d seen a dog more spoiled and loved.
“That’s good.” She really couldn’t think of anything else to say. Lucky Fifi, at least Ben was capable of loving a dog. That boded well for the next woman who ventured into his life. Maybe he’d level up his emotional commitment and take a shot at loving a female of the human variety.
He was still staring at Lilah intently and she smoothed her hair uncomfortably, not sure why he was looking at her like that.
“Let’s eat before it gets cold,” she whispered, hoping to change the subject. Or at least shift his focus.
Thankfully, it worked, and his gaze dropped to his plate.
“This looks amazing,” he said.
“I do know a trick or two in the kitchen,” she said with a smile and he offered her a tentative smile in return.
“Tastes great,” he offered when he came up for air after practically inhaling a few mouthfuls of pasta.
“I’m glad you like it,” she said, eating her own meal with a great deal more caution. She was happy when it didn’t threaten to come back up, but kept her own portion size small, not wanting to push her luck.
“Do you remember your parents?” he asked unexpectedly after they’d eaten mostly in silence.
“Not really. They died when I was only three. Gramps is the only parent I truly knew. He told me about my mom and dad, but they always seemed like a fairytale to me, you know? The handsome prince and princess who met and fell in love and had a little girl whom they loved to the moon and back.
“I know that I have my father’s hair and smile and my mother’s build and eyes. I know that they both used to sing Sweet Child O’ Mine to me when I couldn’t sleep. And I only know that because Gramps took over that duty after they died.” She smiled fondly at the memory of her grandfather singing the song to her even into her teens, whenever she was sick, or had had an asthma attack. It had never failed to comfort her.
Ben took a drink of water as he considered her words, a small, fond smile on his lips as he listened to her talk.
“Sounds like Cyrus did a great job of keeping them alive for you.”
“Yes, but like I said, they never seemed real to me. Gramps was my family. And later…” She hesitated, a quick spasm of pain tightening her chest, and probably reflecting in her face. “Later there was you. You were part of my family too. I cared about you. I hero worshiped you. Followed you around like a lost puppy. And eventually I had that stupid crush on you… but through it all, I only wanted the best of everything for you.”
“Why?” He sounded genuinely baffled and almost angry. “I was a stranger. Somebody your grandfather initially dragged kicking and screaming into your home. Why the fuck were you so accepting of someone who was a rival for your grandfather’s attention and affections?”
“Because, I knew Gramps loved me and just because he cared for you wouldn’t make him love me less. I was jealous at first, I wouldn’t have been human if I wasn’t. But you seemed so adrift, so sad, and so angry that I quickly empathized with you. You’d lost your parents. Same as me. But while I had Gramps, you had nobody. And I thought, ‘well, he doesn’t have nobody. He also has Gramps and he has me. We’ll be his family’. But I was a child. I now know that it was hard for you to see us as your family, why would you? I was a pesky kid and Gramps was a stranger who’d uprooted you from everything you knew. You’d had a whole life and suddenly it was gone.”
“I quickly came to appreciate what Cyrus had done for me. I was realistic enough to know that without him, I would have wound up in foster homes or more likely, on the streets. I was left with nothing. Nobody. There was no money to inherit, no life insurance policies, or fixed and liquid assets. My parents lived from pay check to pay check. They owned no property and had no savings. They loved me. I loved them. They were good people and I still miss them. But they were miserable together. They rarely spoke, not even to argue. I was the only thing they had in common. It’s hard to believe in true love when you’re the child of such a cold and sterile union.”
