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But the thought of Lilah hating him left him feeling hollow and panicked. He didn’t want that at all.
He’d fucked up. He knew he had. But he could fix it. He was confident of that. She just needed to understand that…
His shoulders sank and the wind left his sails as he comprehended that he didn’t know what she needed to understand. He didn’t know what would make her happy. All he knew was that he hadn’t been succeeding at the job.
He used to think Lilah was such a simple creature. Easy enough to please with sporadically doled out portions of affection and attention. But she was… complex. Interesting. Sweet. Stubborn. So fucking sexy.
But deserving of more.
And Ben didn’t know what that more should be.
For the first time in his life Ben felt real fear that he wasn’t up to the task at hand.
That he may have lost his wife for good.
“It’s for you, liebchen.” Gretchen entered Lilah’s room after only a perfunctory knock and held a smart phone out to the younger woman.
Lilah stared at the broken screen with a bleary frown, having just woken up from a sound sleep.
“For me?” she repeated, confused. Who could be calling her on Gretchen’s phone?
“Ja,” Gretchen said in her no-nonsense way.
Lilah sat up and pushed her hair out of her face.
“Is it Gramps?” she winced as soon as she asked the question and Gretchen’s face softened in sympathy.
“Sorry, habit,” Lilah muttered, and took the outreached phone from the other woman’s grasp. Gretchen retreated instantly and when Lilah saw the name on the screen she sighed in annoyance.
“What do you want, Ben?”
“What the fuck are you playing at, Lilah?”
“I told you I was leaving.” She stifled a genuine yawn while she was speaking, but was happy with how nonchalant it made her sound. The seething silence at the other end of the line spoke volumes.
“You didn’t have to.”
“Oh, but I did,” she disagreed, happy with the blithe note that she managed to inject into her voice.
“I know you’re upset, but let’s be reasonable about this, okay?”
Lilah inhaled sharply, refusing to dignify that condescending comment with any sort of response. The silence stretched between them, while she waited for some acknowledgment of her right to feel this way.
She heard his soft, even breathing on the other end of the line as he seemed to wait for her to break the silence, but she wasn’t going to bend. Not this time.
Finally, her patience was rewarded with an exasperated sigh and a muttered curse word.
“Come on, Lilah, you’re being silly.”
“Well then,” she breathed, fighting to maintain an even tone, when all she truly wanted to do was reach through this damned phone and strangle the dumb man. “Aren’t you lucky to no longer be saddled with my unreasonable silliness any longer?”
“Lilah, I shouldn’t—” She disconnected the call before he could complete whatever annoying thing he was going to say next and glowered at the cracked screen for a moment longer, before laying back down and burying herself under the thick comforter, covering her head and huddling in her warm cocoon hoping to keep the world at bay for a little while longer.
TWENTY-FOUR
You hate losing. Period
“You can’t keep ignoring my texts and calls.”
Lilah froze at the sound of Ben’s voice coming from over her left shoulder. She was walking through Gramps’s favorite part of his extensive gardens. He’d been so proud of these king proteas, and they were on the verge of blooming. Walking through his prized protea section, Lilah felt had felt that sharp pang of loss knowing he wouldn’t be able to enjoy them this year.
She screwed her eyes shut for a moment, after hearing that voice, and gathered her composure. She’d known that this confrontation was inevitable and had been expecting Ben to show up at some point. She just hadn’t known when. Frankly she didn’t think it would take a week, but here he was, exactly seven days after she’d walked out. Countless text messages and voice notes later.
“None of your texts or voice mails had anything new or interesting to say,” she said with a lift of her shoulder. His mouth tightened but he didn’t rise to her bait.
“So you listened to the voice mails? Because you damned well haven’t been reading my texts. Which is why I’m a little baffled when you say they have nothing new or interesting to say. How would you know when you haven’t read them?”
“Maybe because I know you?”
“Do you?” he challenged, and she gave him her most insincere smile.
“Let me take a stab at guessing what those texts said… Lilah, you’re being silly. Lilah don’t be ridiculous. Lilah, get your arse home. Lilah, we can make this work. How am I doing so far? Or maybe you brought out the big guns? Lilah—”
“Stop,” he snapped, holding up a hand. But—judging by the expression in his face—she hadn’t been too far off with her guesses.
