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Not again.
Especially that she agree to some kind of arranged marriage. That sounded cold and businesslike. Not what she'd ever planned for herself when it came to choosing a husband.
And what kind of husband would Qazim be? She wasn't sure about that. Of course, there had been some changes in Qazim over these last two months. And, it was clear that he was excited about the child.
But, Grace was still hesitant to commit to Qazim completely. There was still too many things from the past, from their previous time, that still troubled her.
The prospect of something cold, a formal relationship within in a marriage horrified her. She couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like. Long days spent avoiding each other. Shared meals where silence was the order of the day.
Separate beds. Separate bedrooms, even.
And then the temptation to seek happiness from others. Would either of them be able to resist that? Even after the child was born. Grace had seen enough marriages disintegrate. She'd witnessed couples growing cold toward each other. She even remembered how her parents had grown apart.
Was that it? Was it really to do with her own parent, now separated and divorced for many years?
That explanation seemed too simple. Was she simply trying to avoid the mistake her own parents had made?
Grace recalled how her parents' relationship had deteriorated gradually throughout Grace's teen years, until coldness and silence had reigned in the Collins household.
There had been nothing cold and formal about what Grace had witnessed last night at Zaheer's palace. Both couples clearly loved each other. That was obvious and Becca doted over her beautiful son, Tariq. No wonder. He was an adorable child.
No. Everything she'd seen last night had been perfect. Almost too perfect.
Of course, she knew those good people were not so cynical that they had put on a special show for Grace's benefit. It had been completely authentic, she had no doubt about that.
Surely both American women must have had difficulty adjusting to life in Qazhar, even if now they seemed happy enough.
Not just happy, but blissfully married.
Could that be something Grace could ever hope for?
There was so much promise, so much potential happiness in all of this, she told herself. She could see the good and also the not-so-good. There were dangers. Traps that lay ahead.
But the prospect of marriage obviously meant a great deal to Qazim. There was no doubting that fact.
In some way, she couldn't quite put her finger on, Qazim was a changed man. There was something different about him now, she told herself. It was almost as if the prospect of becoming a father had brought out a fresh sense of responsibility in Qazim. Something she hadn't seen before.
But would it last? If Grace married Qazim, would he simply become bored with her? Would Qazim be tempted back into his former life? Would he suddenly become busy with his business interests, or even worse, take mistresses.
The idea of Qazim being unfaithful to Grace made her feel momentarily uneasy. She pushed the sensation away, disregarding it as even a realistic possibility. Qazim wasn't the kind of man to cheat on his wife.
Grace knew that arranged marriages often became cold and impersonal, with husband and wife sometimes finding separate lives of their own.
There was so much to consider. So much that could go wrong.
But she knew she had to think about all of this. There were so many possibilities for happiness as well as so many possibilities for the opposite.
She got out of bed and went to the kitchen and made herself some coffee. All she could think about was the decision that she had to make today. Whatever she decided, it would be momentous.
She felt as if she had been pushed into a corner, as if life was demanding something of her. As if fate had already made up its mind about her and Qazim. How could she fight against that?
She felt better after the sleep. Her dreams had been chaotic and confused. She was glad that she didn't feel any sickness this morning. It would help in keeping her mind clear, ensure that she focused on what was really important.
And what was that?
What exactly was important?
She knew the answer to that.
