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I cleared my throat. “Did I tell you I’ve started a…duck chat?”
His golden brown eyebrow winged up and he crossed his arms. “A duck chat.”
“Yes. About ducks.” I gestured wildly with the hand holding the phone so I could also swipe away my screen discreetly with my thumb. Except I wasn’t that coordinated. “Whoops!” I said loudly as I dropped my phone and prayed the screen didn’t shatter.
He started to bend to pick up my phone like the gentleman he was and I dove for it wildly, colliding with him and losing my footing. I landed on my ass and just stared up at him, realizing with a start I couldn’t do stuff like this anymore if I really was toting around a tadpole.
Not a baby. A baby was too fucking real. Tadpole seemed more manageable. Still, I had to be more careful.
Christian knelt beside me, his forehead a mass of worry lines that matched the sexy crinkles beside his eyes. Or they would’ve been sexy if he hadn’t clearly been worried.
Because of me. Because I was fucking all of this up in my efforts to not make him worry prematurely.
“Honey, what’s going on?”
I cast a quick look around the column. “Where’s Reagan?”
“She stopped into one of the classrooms to talk with a student she knows. I don’t know how but I figured I’d give her privacy. Besides, you’re being weird. I don’t like it.”
“Okay, if I tell you, you can’t freak out. Because it’s not a thing yet. I mean, if it is a thing, then it’s a thing, but there’s no certainty it’s a thing so right now it’s just speculation.”
“Did you throw up this morning?”
“Maybe?”
“Did you throw up yesterday too?”
I sensed a theme to his questioning. “Maybe?” My voice held a waver I couldn’t control.
“Did you,” he lowered his voice, “try to have sex with me without a condom last night because you don’t think it matters anymore?”
My throat felt like it was quivering. “Yes.” But I felt desperate to hold onto a lifeline of hope. Not because I didn’t want a baby with him, but right now was not the ideal time. “But the pregnancy test was negative.”
His eyes looked shattered. Not worried. Destroyed. “You took a test, and you didn’t tell me?”
Oh, God. This wasn’t good. He was comparing me to her and I wasn’t coming out favorably. “I was going to,” I said hurriedly. “I just was scared. I’m scared, Christian! I haven’t done any of this before. I didn’t know how to handle it. And I wanted you to have this day with Reagan too.”
Ugh, why hadn’t I led with Reagan? Why was everything always all about me?
“Must be me,” he said quietly. “Somehow the women I’m with think I’m the last person to turn to in these situations. The fucking last.”
“Dad?”
Christian’s back went ramrod straight and he bolted to his feet, turning his back on me in a way that felt as effective as a door slamming. He said something softly to his daughter and then he just kept walking.
I was still sitting on the cold floor clutching my phone. I closed my eyes and swallowed hard, wishing I could just sink into the earth and disappear.
“You okay, Honey?”
To my utter shock, Reagan crouched before me and in the softness of her expression, I saw her father so clearly. And I nearly started to weep.
You didn’t even tell him you love him. With his past, of course he’ll think the worst. You told him this morning you’re a team then you do this? You’re just selfish.
I nearly blurted the news to her. From not telling anyone to telling everyone in one fell swoop. But that negative test was at the forefront of my mind. I could have a weird bug. It could be nerves.
God knows I had every reason to be nervous.
So I just smiled and forced myself to my feet. “I’m fine. So this school is pretty awesome, right? I went here,” I went on. “Did I mention that?”
