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“Whatever you feel is necessary — I trust you and your judgement. I could tell the two of you were comfortable with each other.” He caressed her thigh. “I almost jumped him when he took you to the ground, but Marcus waved me back, and I guess I’m glad he did. Are you okay with him knocking you to the ground like that?”
She put her hand on his. “Like I said, Eric’s never treated me like a girl. If I’m going to dish it out then I have to be okay with taking it. He took me down because I took him down. I started it, and I can’t very well pull the girl card one minute and then be upset when I get treated like a girl the next.”
“In a way, I guess I’m a little jealous of him. He does all of this stuff with you, stuff you love to do.”
She pulled his hand to her lips and kissed the back of it. “Kyle, I loveyou. It’s okay that you don’t enjoy doing everything I do. Really. I spent years trying to bury my true feelings for you because I was afraid of losing your friendship if I let things progress. And now here we are, and I’ve actually had a few orgasms. You and Marcus have shown me I’m not completely broken in the sex department. Do you haveanyidea what a gift that is? I’m going to have to come to terms with…” She waved her arms around again. “It feels wrong to have these kinds of feelings for two guys at the same time, and I’m not really sure what’s going to happen with that.” She sighed and asked the question she’d been putting off. “Can I ask about Mira? Was she submissive to him? How involved in their… I mean, were you… did you have sex with them?”
“Mira was…” he sighed. “Marcus completely skipped over the pet category, didn’t he? It kind of falls between submissive and slave, I guess. The Dom dotes on the pet, but the pet has to do everything they’re told. Mira was a treasure, but she didn’t have a dominant bone in her body. When I was seeing someone, the four of us sometimes spent time together in the playroom, but I wasn’t part of their relationship.”
“And now he’s looking for someone who isn’t Mira?”
“He loved her, and she was clearly a pet, rather than a slave. He’d been involved in TPE relationships enough to know it was his preference, but she was a surgical nurse at a different hospital, so she worked long hours during the week, but she was off evenings and weekends. With her schedule, even if she’d been a slave, he’d have had to hire someone to handle yard work and laundry and cooking duties. She was more than happy to come home and take on her role as his pet, and he adored her, so it worked.”
Kyle looked at her, then back to the road. “He moved next door to me after she died, and jumped back into the lifestyle full steam ahead, but only with women who identified as slaves.” He gave a small shrug. “A few submissives who were extreme masochists, but no pets. At first, it felt like he was going after his own full-time extreme slave as kind of a consolation prize, but after the first year and a half, it stopped feeling like that. He has a therapist, and I know he went twice a week for a while, then once a week, and now I think once every other month. It took a while, but he seems to have worked through his grief and come out mostly okay.”
“I can’t let Marcus settle for what I am. If he needs a slave, he can’t decide I’ll do. I care about him, and I’m conflicted enough about that without thinking he’ll settle for less than he wants because I can’t be a slave.”
“I don’t think Marcus would try to make you submit to him by pointing out dominants in these books had to do so in order to learn how to be a Dom. It doesn’t feel like him. If he thinks that’s the case, he’ll just come out and tell you. As for feeling conflicted about caring for him? I’d love it if you could ignore what society says is right and wrong, and just go with what feels right. Marcus is important to me, and if the two of you grow close, I’ll be thrilled. If you want to submit to him, whether to experiment with how it feels, or to learn more about submission, I’m perfectly okay with it. Iknowthat what you and I have is real. As long as we all keep talking, and we all take responsibility for our own actions and feelings, everything will be fine.”
“I’ve felt guilty a few times for making Marcus kind of a third wheel, but then I don’t feel comfortable with the three of us in one relationship, either.” She sighed. “And then I miss him when he’s not around. How screwed up is that?”
“I think it’s okay to be conflicted. We’re still figuring this out, still defining how it’s going to work.” He shrugged. “No matter what words we use to define it, it’s okay for you to feel closer to him. If we become a threesome in truth at some point, we’ll figure it out as we go. I don’t think you and I could ever be enough for him. He seems set, this time, on not settling for less than a twenty-four-seven slave he falls in love with, but I think the three of us could be fine in whatever way we’re all comfortable.”
“Several things make more sense to me now that I understand more about you. I wanted you to just get off and get it over with, but you refused an orgasm since I wasn’t having one. I didn’t get that at all — I didn’t understand why it wassoimportant I enjoy myself. I get it now. Your pleasure is all tied up in my pleasure. I’m not sure how this is going to work, with you basically having to do the types of things a Dom enjoys. Are you sure you’ll be okay? Will it give you what you need?”
“Absolutely. If it brings you pleasure, I’ll be all over it.”
“Do you need pain?”
He answered cautiously. “I can handle pain if it’s required of me, and I’ve been taught to eroticize most kinds of pain. Some types I enjoy a great deal, others I can get into if the Top is really into it.” He rubbed her leg again, despite the fact her hand was on his. “I don’tneedpain as some submissives do. Mostly, I need someone to allow me to service her, to submit to her. Someone who can take the reins during sex, so I only have to worry about her pleasure.Yourpleasure.”
He paused, but Heather could tell he wasn’t finished so she stayed quiet and let him figure out what else he needed to say.
Again, he glanced at her and then looked back to the road. “I’ve never had a D/s relationship that didn’t involve pain, so it’s possible I need it and just don’t realize how important it is? I’ve always assumed it isn’t about masochism, but about the power exchange the pain reflects. It’s like a flag that shows who’s calling the shots, right? So, it’s possible I’ll need it in order to remind me of the power dynamic, but if you aren’t comfortable hurting me, we can work to find other ways to highlight the balance of power.”
“Marcus was right about the fiction books — they helped me understand what you’re saying a whole lot more — the emotions behind submission, the need to submit and to hand over control. I think I can give you what you need, but like you said earlier, it’s going to be a work in progress for a while.”
Kyle parked, took his seatbelt off, and turned towards Heather, “I love you so much, babe. I love that you’re working so hard to learn about this, but I don’t want you to take on too much too soon. We have plenty of time — we can go slow and work up to wherever we end up. Right now, I hear some Blue Puffs calling your name.”
“Mmmm. Blue Puffs. Let’s go.”
* * * *
A tapas meal happens in stages, so Kyle and Heather made it back to his house hours later. Heather had eaten far too much and wasn’t interested inanythingphysical, but she was up for talking.
She sat on the sofa, content watching him while he selected a playlist. He was so self-confident, so self-aware. She had a hard time putting this Kyle in the same box as the one who couldn’t get near the edge of a cliff. Oddly enough, she had no problems seeing him as submissive though, because he was also confident in his submission.
“In one of the stories I read, the couple filled out a checklist. Do you know what that is? I found a few on the internet. One was ridiculously long, another was super-short. I didn’t know enough to know which was best.”
Soothing music wafted across the room, and he stepped to her. “I have a long one filled out, would you like for the two of us to talk about it? I don’t think you know enough about your own preferences yet to bother, but you can learn a lot just by talking through mine. I only have a few big turn-ons, mostly because whatever does it for me is whatever works for my partner. I have some hard-ish limits. I’ll do them if they’re important to the Top and we’ve developed trust, but…” He looked at his hands. “Things like watersports and needles.”
Heather had no idea what watersports might be, but she had a feeling they didn’t involve a kayak. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know, so she asked, “What are your big turn-ons?”
Kyle met her gaze and held it. “I mentioned being made to eat from a bowl on the floor. I can’t explain why, but it’s one of my favorite things. Also, being used as a footstool or table after being plugged and having my cock bound makes me so hard it hurts. In the right circumstances, orgasm denial is a huge turn on, but I’ve also been taken the other way, where I was required to have a large number of orgasms a day or face punishment, and that was also a big turn on.”
“Do you want me to be able to punish you?”
He didn’t hesitate even a microsecond to answer, “Yes, but we’d have to come to an agreement. Specific rules I’ll agree to follow, and then if I don’t follow them you can punish me — butonlyif you’d enjoy it. If you don’t enjoy it, it doesn’t do anything for me.”
