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“So good of you to join us, Eva,” she says, pulling me along out to the dining room. “I was so happy to hear that you and Liam are…” She pauses. “That the two of you are friends again.”
I exchange a look with Liam, who isn’t even looking at me. I guess I was right. Inviting me over hadn’t been his idea. I get it, he knows as well as I do that this is temporary, so why involve his mother in it? But I can’t help but feel a slight sting at the realization that he probably would have preferred that I didn’t come tonight.
“I made lasagna,” Amelia says and tells me to sit down at the table. She has really pulled out all the stops tonight. I recognize the plates as her and her late husband’s wedding china. Who is she trying to impress? Me? I smile at her, pushing away my swirling thoughts.
“Lasagna sounds great, Amelia.”
She tells us to just relax and disappears out to the kitchen. Liam sits down next to me, an apologetic smile on his face.
“She’s really excited that you’re here,” he says. “Sorry if she’s a little intense about it. I didn’t tell her we were back together or anything.”
Ouch. “Right,” I try to smile, but I don’t think I’m being very successful. “Well, don’t worry. I’m not reading anything into this. Let’s just enjoy dinner, your mom has gone through all this trouble.”
Liam nods and opens his mouth as if to speak, when his mom returns carrying the food. “I hope you’re hungry.”
“It smells really good, mom,” Liam says and helps her put the lasagna on the table.
“Let’s eat while it’s still warm,” Amelia says and gestures for me to start.
The lasagna is really good, but that is just about the only thing good about the evening. The conversation is stale, and I’m having a hard time relaxing. It’s so obvious that Liam’s mom is hoping for us to get back together, and while I love her for it, it only cements the fact that we’re not. Liam barely speaks during dinner, and I just want to ask him what’s wrong. He seems a million miles away, and I can’t figure out what’s going on inside his head. When he finally, finally takes me home, I say to him.
“Is everything alright?”
Liam nods, and reaches behind to squeeze my leg.
“Yeah, everything is great.”
Why are you lying to me?“You just seem kind of… I don’t know. Like there’s something on your mind.”
“Don’t worry about it, Eva,” he says and stops in front of my building. “I’m good, I promise.”
Okay then. I don’t get off the bike right away, I don’t want him to go back to his mom’s place. “Will you sleep here tonight?”
Liam looks at me, and nods. “Okay. If you want me to.”
“I want you to.”
“Then I’ll stay.”
My heart skips a beat when he says those words. I know he only means tonight. I can’t make this into something that it isn’t.Be grateful,I think to myself.You get to have him for a little while at least.That should be enough.
I know it’s not enough.
Things feel a little more normal once we are back in my apartment, Liam seems more at ease. He pulls me close and kisses my neck and I hold on to him. Want to be close to him. We go slow that night, taking our time with each other. There is none of the usual urgency when he pushes into me, and I try to stay in the moment. Try to enjoy his body, to enjoy his groans as he takes his pleasure and give just as much in return. But I can’t get the nagging feeling out of my head, that feeling that something has changed tonight. Afterwards, we’re lying next to each other in silence, and Liam plays with a strand of my hair. He’s miles away, I can tell. Is this it? Is this when it ends? I don’t even get the last few days with him before he goes back to the city? I want to ask him, and I don’t. Not ready to hear the answer.
“I start my new job tomorrow,” I say, just to saysomething. Liam’s eyes come back into focus and he smiles.
“I know. Are you nervous?”
“A little. But I’m mostly excited.”
He presses a light kiss to my forehead, and I wrap an arm around his body. “You’ll do great, Eva. I know you will.”
“I hope so,” I say and nestle in underneath his chin. “I hope everything will be okay.”
He doesn’t say anything to that. Just holds me firmly against him. I want this tension to go away. I want to know what he’s thinking about. I open my mouth, the words right there on the tip of my tongue. But instead of asking him what’s on his mind, something else comes out.
“Stay. Don’t go back to the city. Stay here with me.”
