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“So she took you in?”
“More like she acquiesced when my dad arranged to dump me on her doorstep.”
She takes a bite of the pasty and then puts it down. “I don’t really care for these. Hand me the bag?” Opening the sac, she hands me a sandwich wrapped in foil and unwraps her own. “Cudighi is an Italian sausage concoction. Much better, if you ask me.”
I want to press, but get the feeling I need to let her go at her own pace. A moment passes before she picks up the thread. “So yeah, I wrote you a few letters when I found out I was pregnant. I was trying to get it right, come up with some right way to tell you. Obviously I never mailed the letters, and my father, who hadn’t taken an interest in my life for nearly a decade, was snooping around my room and found them.”
“Shit.”
“Next thing I knew, Christian was tossing me into his car and dragging me halfway across the universe. And then that was that. I was living with Janelle, a woman I didn’t even know.”
“Did Christian…”
“What?”
I feel my face redden. “I imagine he was angry when he found out, furious if he knew it was me.”
“Yeah, he knew it was you.”
“Did he hurt you?”
“Nothing out of the ordinary.”
I put the sandwich down and run my hands through my hair. “What exactly does that mean?”
“He pushed me, I guess? I can hardly remember. He was the least of my worries back then.”
“You’re so casual about it, make it sound like it’s nothing. You know how it eats at me that I never beat his ass for the times he put his hands on you?”
She twists to look at me. “It’s just how it was. You can’t call the cops when your brother shoves you out of the way or yanks on your ponytail. But I’m not delusional. I don’t think he’s normal or that we had a typical sister brother relationship. He’s not the nicest guy on the planet and my family is dysfunctional…Two things I already know.”
“I always felt like you sugarcoated it for me. You’d lie when I’d ask about the bruises.”
She nods once, slowly. “I didn’t want you getting into it with Christian. He would have made it his mission in life to hurt you in some way. But I swear, it was only squeezing my arm too tight or me knocking into something if he pushed me. It rarely happened and it was never more than that.” She looks back to the water. “And that’s in the past. I’ll probably never see him again in my life.”
“You don’t speak to them?”
She shakes her head. “I went back once, a little over a year ago. I was literally in town for two hours, no more than that. My father never even asked about Ethan. Christian didn’t get off the phone to come over and say hello. It was beyond weird.” She shakes her head like she’s shaking off the memory. “I’ve made peace with it. Janelle and Lawrence made a nice home for me, took care of me the way my mother would have, I think. And thanks to Janelle, I won’t ever need to go back to my father looking for help.”
“Janelle gave you that condo.” She looks surprised. “Public record.”
“Right.” She goes to hand me the remainder of her sandwich. “You want this?”
“No.” I say, sitting up straighter. “I’m too hopped up to finish my own.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Are you mad at me, Simon? I kind of envisioned this scenario where you’d show up and be really pissed off.” I don’t know what to say to that. “I mean, I knew where you stood back then…I know you wouldn’t have wanted me to go through with the pregnancy.”
I can’t address that directly yet either. “I just remember waking up that last morning we were together and being so disgusted with myself, mad at myself for being so weak.”
She smirks. “And your first though was, ‘Damn, I’d better get to a pharmacy.’”
“Not my finest moment. I’ve replayed that morning over and over in my mind.” I reach over and take both of her hands. “I just want you to know I’m truly sorry for the way I left.”
Charlotte’s lopsided smile does nothing to disguise her pain. “It was a pretty crappy way to leave. The worst.” She slides her hands out of mine and wipes at one eye. “I didn’t even think about what you gave me. I mean, I looked in the bag, but I didn’t actually think to take it.” The next breath she takes is shaky. “A few weeks later, the contents of that bag wereallI could think about.”
