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I run my hands down her back and then up again, pulling her close to rest her chest against mine. “Never in a million years, Grace...I never thought I’d meet someone who makes me feel the way you do.”
“Same here,” she whispers into my skin.
And we spend the rest of the night building a fire, cooking together, eating fish and drinking a few beers, and it’s safe to say that I’ve never been happier in my life.
Chapter Ten
Grace
This is what it’s supposed to be like.
I may have been naïve back in high school, but I was never a blind fool. I knew the fact that Peter never acknowledged me in public meant something. Passing him in the crowded hallways, he went on joking with his friends or acting like he was preoccupied in some way, never meeting my eyes. I was instructed to wait for him on a corner a few blocks away from our high school instead of meeting him by his car in the student parking lot after class. And when I’d get in, I’d watch as his eyes scanned the area. He didn’t want to be spotted with me, that was clear. And I thought so little of myself back then that I let him get away with it. I was on board with being nothing more than some boy’s dirty little secret.
It’s so different now. Damien makes me feel special and adored. He holds my hand, carries my bag when he meets me on campus, opens doors for me. When we’re out with Eli and their other friends, Damien thinks nothing of wrapping an arm around my shoulder or pulling me onto his lap. It’s like he wants to tell the world that I’m his.
It’s not like I was some cowering wallflower before he came onto the scene, but his attention makes me walk taller.
He’s been in my bed just about every night since our camping trip. I can’t get enough, and I think the same goes for him. But it’s not just the act itself, and how physically good he makes me feel. Still naked and curled up beside him, it’s what passes between us after that makes me feel close to him. More often than not he’s gone in the morning by the time I wake up, but the hours spent talking in the dark before I fall asleep are sacred and ours alone.
He’s careful when he talks about the future. He’ll tell me something and then pop a subtle question like:Can you see yourself staying in North Carolina after you graduate?Questions that make me smile. Does he see me as a part of the life he’s mapping out for himself once his next tour is done? I hope so, but don’t come right out with it. We’ve only known each other for one month as of tomorrow, so professing my love would be ridiculous, and something I’m too cautious to do. I think he feels the same.
Yes, I told him,I can see myself staying in the Carolinas. I do love the weather and I love the area. And once I drop the bomb about my change in career plans to my parents, I don’t see myself moving back home to Pennsylvania, so I’m going to have to get a job teaching right away and find an apartment.You can stay there with me whenever you’re home on leave, I want to tell him, but I don’t.
“Any chance you’ll be home for Christmas?” I ask him tonight.
Damien laughs before kissing the top of my head. “Not likely. When I do get to come back stateside it’s not usually for holidays. It’s on short notice and I never know for how long...Could be for three days or three weeks. We never get much in terms of advance notice.”
“Will you tell me when you’re coming back?”
He pauses before asking, “Do you want me to?”
I nod knowing that he can feel it against his chest. “I want to see you.” The words hang in the air for a moment before I back-peddle. “I mean, if that’s whatyouwant.”
“I want you. That’s not up for debate, Grace. And if I had my way, I’d keep you boxed up and waiting for me until I got home, but I can’t do that. I won’t have you putting your life on hold for me.”
His words make me feel hopeful and deflated at once. He wants me, he says, but he’s also not committing to anything, not putting either of our liveson hold.
I’m sulking when I tell him, “My life isn’t all that exciting,” because I’d gladly put my life on hold for him. I’d wait for him if he’d only ask.
He shifts on the bed so that we’re face to face. “You’re still in college. You should experience all of this...your friends, the parties, everything. You should be free to,” he takes a breath, “meet other people.”
I bite my lip to keep from showing him how much those words hurt. I don’t want to meet anyone else, but maybe he does. “You might meet someone over there,” I whisper, and he shakes his head and laughs like I’ve said something absurd. He’s on his back now, looking up at the ceiling, and I’d give anything to know what’s running through his mind. “Is that so crazy? You could meet another soldier, or a civilian woman from the country where you’re stationed. Hey, I know it happens.The Notebookis one of my favorite movies.”
“I don’t follow.”
“You could fall in love with the nurse who cares for you, you might have some gorgeous commanding officer this time around, or maybe you’ll rescue a woman and she’ll get some hero worship complex for you.”
He shuts me up with a kiss. “You watch too many movies.” Running a hand through my hair he says, “And you might meet someone here...Someone who can be with you day in and day out. Maybe I’ll be the one getting aDear Johnletter.”
I close my eyes. “That was a sad one. Nicholas Sparks gets me every time.”
“I actually saw that one, too.”
“Did you cry?”
He looks at me like I’m high but then cracks a smile. “Maybe my eyes got a little misty.”
“So all this talk, this is you trying to protect both of us?”
