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She stared out the plane’s window as the Pacific blue ended at high sandstone cliffs before the sprawl of houses began. She just wanted, needed, to be home.
Her mother leaned closer. “Sar, you want to tidy yourself up a bit?”
“You worried they won’t let me back in the country?”
She slopped her hair into a ponytail. No point looking like someone to concern the security people at the airport. She didn’t want more delays.
She deplaned and did the usual arrival routine, but the lack of sleep combined with the awful memories hiccupping in her soul had left her feeling almost tipsy, drunk with exhaustion and grief. When they finally got through customs, she nearly cried in relief as she saw Rebekah waiting for them.
“Hey, sis.” Rebekah wrapped her in a big hug, her strawberry-blonde hair tickling Sarah’s nose. “It’s good to see you.”
“You too.”
Rebekah moved to hug her parents. “Joe and the girls are at the beach, so I’m free to be your chauffeur now. Have you got all your bags?”
Sarah wearily followed her parents and sister to the car, half listening as they shared about the past few days. She stared vacantly out the backseat window as heat steamed off the road and the browned grass and shrivelled plants of limp gardens flashed by.
It was weird being back. Summer, not winter. Cars driving on the left, not right. Everything felt a little off-balance—wrong, not quite right. But the sight of the two-story home brought comfort: familiar smells, remembered sounds, shared memories. And nothing beat her own bed and pillow. But rest still proved elusive. After thirty minutes of closed eyes and no sleep, she tiptoed past her parents’ bedroom and made her way downstairs.
Rebekah looked up from a magazine. “Couldn’t sleep?” Sarah shook her head. “Want a cuppa?”
Sarah followed Bek to the kitchen. She sat at the table as Bek sliced fruit cake and soon placed a steaming cup of tea in front of her. “Thanks.”
Rebekah took a sip and gazed at her. “So, how are you?”
“Okay.”
Her sister’s brows rose.
“Well, not great.”
Sarah filled her sister in on what had happened with Dan. How many days since her world had shattered? Crossing datelines and so many time zones made everything feel extra weird. She finished explaining and couldn’t help but notice the pleat in Bek’s brow.
“Wow. That’s a big call. I didn’t expect you to see it that way.”
Sarah frowned. She hated to ask, but if she didn’t ask Bek now, she’d worry the comment for the next few days until her sister finally explained. “What do you mean?”
“I’m actually kind of impressed. We both know you can get pretty emotional at times, so I’d have thought you’d be all upset that he hadn’t lived up to your Mr. Darcy ideals.”
“He made mistakes. God forgave him. And I…I want what’s best for him.”
“What if you are God’s best for him?”
Her heart stuttered, but she folded her arms. “He wants kids, Bek. I can’t have kids.”
“How do you know?”
“Rebekah Elizabeth—”
“Calm the farm, Sarah.” Bek held up a hand. “I’m not suggesting you did anything. I’m sure Dan was a gentleman.”
Sarah thought back to the times they’d kissed, the passion that’d always ignited in her belly, and how every time, it had been Dan who had stopped things progressing further. A shamelessI’m not very sorrysprang to mind, and with a guilty heart, she looked at her sister. “He was.” She, on the other hand…
Bek sipped her tea and eyed her. “So does this mean you’ve sworn off all relationships, or are you just going to look for a man who doesn’t want kids?”
“What? How can you say that? I don’t want anyone else.”
“So let me get this straight. He loves you, and you love him, but you don’t want to be with him. Yeah, makes perfect sense.”
