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“Well, yeah, of course I do, one day. But that would take a miracle! And if I can’t, then I don’t want you to miss out. Especially now I know…” She winced.
“Now you know about my past,” he concluded.
“Yes,” she whispered.
Silence ticked away, begging her to break it. “Oh, this is so awkward.”
He gave a short bark of laughter. “Actually, awkward is being dumped without a proper explanation.”
Ouch. Why couldn’t he see what she meant? This was for his good. She dragged in a breath. “Dan, you should just move on and find someone who can give you what you want in life.”
“Like who? I don’t want anyone else.”
Did that mean he still wanted her?Don’t be so stupid.She swallowed. “I’m sure there’s someone out there.” Sarah forced her lips to move up even as her heart sank lower.
“See, Sarah, that’s the problem. I thought I’d found someone nice, someone who I even dared to tell my family that I love. But she doesn’t love me.” He sounded so sad. “I wish I knew what I did wrong.”
“Dan, you’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Then why?”
How to explain the hesitation she felt had come from God? She considered words, then tossed them back into the torrent of unutterable things cascading through her head.Lord, help me, please!
Dan offered a raspy sigh. “Maybe I’ll never be good enough for you, but at least I know now that God really has forgiven me.”
He did? Her eyes filled.Oh, hallelujah!One of her taut heart-strings eased.
“So, that’s what it is, then.” His voice was flat. “I’m not good enough for you.”
“No! No, you’re way too good for me. But don’t you see? I don’t want to get in the way of who you should really be with. I want you to be able to”—she almost choked on the word—“to be a father and have your dreams come true.”
He exhaled. “So it’s not me? It’s not my past, the fact I’m not Mr. Perfect?”
“I think you’re pretty perfect,” she said in a small voice. He had to be to put up with her.
He sighed. “Sar, as hard as it may be for you to believe, I wantyou. God does miracles all the time. Anything’s possible with God.”
“I know.”
“Do you? Because if you did, you’d be willing to trust Him with this, like I am.”
His words pummeled inside. Was she really so weak in her faith?Lord, forgive me. Help me trust You.
A beat stretched into two, three. “Sarah, I love you.”
Her throat cinched. “You do?”
“Yes. And I want to be with you, regardless of what it means for the future.”
“Oh, but Dan, I could never ask you to make such a sacrifice—”
“You’re not asking. I’m telling you what I want. Sar, I love you. You can trust God. And you can trust me. Sarah, we can work it out. But we need to talk about things and not just run away when things are difficult.”
She nodded. Realized he couldn’t see her, so murmured, “I know.”
“Why do you run away?” he asked softly.
She chewed her lip. Had she always done this? No. “I used to be braver,” she admitted. “But for months when I was in hospital, I had to lie there while people gave me bad news. I had nowhere I could go and hide. Because of my injuries, I couldn’t even turn over in bed and hide my tears when they told me Stephen had died and I’d missed his funeral. I hated not having even basic privacy to do that.”
