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They spent the day together, just the two of them, and it felt so good and so right that Hope let all her worries about her past and the secrets that lived there fade away. She gave herself permission to enjoy this time with Gabe, holding hands as they strolled through the city, exploring the amazing street art that poured life and color into every district, and popping into local shops on a whim. She enjoyed hearing him describe the city from his perspective as a born-and-raised local, feeling closer to him with every story he told, every location he brought her to. She reveled in seeing this carefree side of him that she’d rarely seen before.
It got to be evening, and though it was March, at five o’clock it was still quite dark. Still, it didn’t feel as bleak as it had when she’d arrived all those weeks ago. Or maybe it was that she didn’t feel as bleak as she previously had.
So much had changed in such a short time she didn’t even feel like the same person she’d been back then, frustrated and desperate to break away from her family. For the first time in years, she felt like she’d found a sense of what she really wanted out of her life, and it looked much different from what she thought all along.
She wanted peace with her family, the only family she’d ever known. More than ever, she wanted to put the past to rest. She wanted to look to the future, a future that she wanted to build here in the City of Roses.
She’d come to appreciate her independence and the new parts of herself she’d discovered over the last few weeks. She was diving deeper into her art and was excited to see where it would take her. She wanted to spend more time with Ruby and be inspired by her fresh perspective on life. She wanted Gabe, for as long as he would have her—which undoubtedly would be only until he found out about the cheating scandal at USC, or at least the version that had been made public.
“Why Portland?” Gabe asked casually, breaking her out of her reverie.
They were sitting on a bench by the river, looking out at the water and sipping coffee from biodegradable to-go cups.
She turned to face him. “Why do you ask?”
“You looked pensive,” he said with a shrug. “I assumed you were missing home, and it got me thinking that you never really told me what brought you here.”
When she stared at him, stunned that he’d read her thoughts so easily, Gabe’s mouth kicked up on the side, and he looped his arm around her shoulders and cradled her against his chest.
“So, tell me how a well-bred California girl like you ends up in a cramped apartment above a bar in Portland, far away from her family mansion?” His voice was lighthearted, but she knew it was a serious question. A valid one too.
She was as misplaced in this city as pickles on peanut butter.
“It’s not cramped,” she said, snuggling into him a bit more. “I find it quite spacious actually.”
He snorted but said nothing. Waiting her out, she mused. He wouldn’t push, but he wouldn’t let it go either. She knew this about him now. She sighed, deciding that she could offer him a nugget of truth, if nothing else.
“I was heartbroken.” When she felt him stiffen, she hastened to add, “Not like that. My family.” She’d never talked about the complex feelings that had lived inside her since she’d learned about her adoption. “It’s not easy, thinking you’re one thing for so many years, then realizing you’re not that at all. That you don’t know what or who you are.” She took comfort in the fresh air off the river gusting against her cheeks and the feel of Gabe’s arm around her. “When I found out, I felt an incredible anger, but I also suddenly felt even more pressure to prove myself as a Morgan. Like I needed to justify that I still had a place in the family. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, I know.”
Gabe’s arms tightened around her. “It makes sense to me,” he mumbled into her hair, and once again she wished things between them could include the guarantee of a future.
“Before I even found out about being adopted, I felt this need to prove that I deserved to be a part of the family, a part of the business, but I wanted to do it without any of their help and none of their money.” She laughed mirthlessly. “It’s kind of like I knew all along. I just didn’t want to admit it. So I went to the USC to study business, not loving it but feeling like I had to. To prove that I could be what they wanted.” She was silent for a while, her years at USC playing through her head at super speed. “They never pressured me outright. Never told me I had to—but growing up, it was always there. Morgan Construction is my father’s legacy. It was built up by my father to be handed down to my brother and me. There was no question. For Joel, it was all he ever wanted. The first thing I thought when I found out I was adopted was—” She paused, hating this part of herself. “I thought,now it all makes sense. Joel’s drive, his innate ability. It was because he was a biological Morgan. It came naturally to him. The wanting. The desire to be a part of the family business. For so long, I wanted to want it too. Like it would prove I was meant to be there.”
She shrugged. “In the end, I was tired of trying to be who I thought everyone wanted me to be, and when I found out at Christmas that I was adopted, it felt right to come here, to be who I wanted to be instead of who I’d been molded to be. And do what I wanted to do, instead of what I was expected to do. I wanted to be independent. Myself.” She let her words hang there. Hoping they would be enough for him for now.
“So, what you wanted was come here and become a nanny?” he asked, and she couldn’t help it—she laughed.
“No! Well, yes. I love Ruby, but it wasn’t what I expected when I arrived. Ultimately though, it was exactly what I wanted. Needed,” she amended and meant it. “When I came, I applied for a bunch of business jobs I thought would make my family proud but be different enough that I’d feel a sense of accomplishment. But I didn’t get any of them, which is just as well, because if I had gotten them, I wouldn’t have been doing what I wanted.”
“Is there anything else that you want?” he asked quietly, his voice right by her ear as she snuggled closer.
She didn’t have to think about it. The answer sprung out of her in a burst of relief.
“I want to paint. I love creating art.” She took a deep breath. What the hell, no point in holding back now. “And I want to continue watching Ruby. Being with her makes me happier than I’ve been in a long time.” There, she admitted it. It wasn’t ambitious, or the high-flying lifestyle she’d been raised to lead, but it was what she wanted, plain and simple. Family and space to be creative.
She held her breath. She couldn’t bear it if he told her that she wasn’t living up to her full potential. Or worse, that he felt weird about her admitting spending time with his daughter made her happy. But he didn’t say any of those things.
Instead, he said, “Then you’re living your dreams, Hope.”
It stunned her to hear it so plainly, because she hadn’t really thought of it like that.
“You can be pretty damn proud of yourself.” He leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips. “I am.”
How she was supposed to not fall totally in love with him at this point, she had no idea. But she knew she had to stay strong, because this couldn’t last. When he found out about what happened at USC, he’d leave her so fast he would be the one who’d feel like he’d been living a dream.
CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR
When Hope let herself back into her apartment on Sunday morning, her body was still warm and buzzing with the aftershocks of bliss. She’d spent two whole uninterrupted nights in Gabe’s bed and she felt more relaxed and lighter than she had in forever.
