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After that, it was just the sounds of their desperate moans, whispered pleas, and strangled cries as they reached their peaks in tandem.
It was always what felt best for her, coming with him, clenching around him as her release fed his. Secretly, she sometimes thought about a day where she could welcome him inside her without a condom. She wanted to feel him come inside her, the wetness and heat of his passion. When she really let herself dream, she’d imagine one day holding a child that resulted from their union, but she knew that this was a dream too big for her and Gabe. Maybe too big for her ever. Jury was still out.
Pushing that thought away, along with so many others that she’d had that evening, she curled against him on the couch and sighed as he drew her into the curve of his body. For now, she’d take what she could get for as long as she could get it.
Gabe tugged a blanket that was draped off the back of the couch and pulled it over them, nuzzling the back of her neck. His warm breath sent renewed shivers of awareness down her body. They lay in silence, still coming down from the wave they’d just rode, even as every touch and rub of their bodies started the inevitable climb to the next one.
“I bought a house,” he said quietly into her hair, stunning her out of her afterglow bliss. “It’s not too far from here.” He paused, obviously waiting for her to say something.
Well, he could wait because she was speechless. What could she say when her throat was constricting to the point of pain?
“Three bedrooms.” Another pause. “It has a decent backyard. The fence is falling apart, but I can fix it. It’s got space.”
The insinuation was clear—it would have enough space for her, too.
Seconds ago, she had been daydreaming about this very thing: having a baby with this man, building a family, and now he was talking that dream to life. So why did it suddenly feel like it was something she couldn’t have?
Maybe because you’re still keeping a huge part of your past from him.The thought that had been plaguing her for weeks invaded her brain in a full-frontal attack, stealing her breath and constricting her chest.
There was no way she could continue to play house with Gabe when she knew there was a big piece of her he was missing.
Until she found a way to tell him, she wasn’t a part of this family and she couldn’t pretend to be. The gut-wrenching pain of realizing that her time with Gabe and Ruby might run its course before she found a way to tell him the truth without hurting Ivy came barreling down on her, and she was powerless against it.
Suddenly hot, her chest tightening with a clawing sort of heartbreak, she struggled into a sitting position. Gabe easily followed her up, watching her closely.
Bending to pick up her discarded clothing, she avoided eye contact. It was her last means of defense. “That sounds amazing, Gabe,” she managed to say, as she shrugged her shirt over her head and stood. “Does Ruby know? I bet she’ll be thrilled.”
Gabe remained sitting, calmly watching her. “I was going to tell her this weekend. Maybe take her to go see it.” He reached out to still her hands, which were shakily trying to do up the snap of her jeans. “I’d like you to come see it, too.”
And because those words sounded less like, You should come see where your new place of employment will be, and more like, Come see this home I bought for us to build a family in, Hope’s dread morphed into full blown panic.
Her heart was in a free fall toward being totally in love with this man and his daughter. Who was she kidding? She had already fallen, and the pain of the landing was soul crushing. There was no way she could stand in a house that in another dimension could be a home for them and pretend that it wasn’t tearing her apart.
In this dimension, she was keeping a big detail of her life hidden from him. A detail that wouldn’t have him painting white picket fences so fast. Regret, heartache, self-pity, and all the other good stuff pooled in her gut.
“I can’t this weekend,” she said, sliding her hand out from under his touch. Which wasn’t a lie. It was the weekend she was due back home for the hospital benefit. The timing had worked well because Ruby had another sleepover planned at her aunt’s house. She’d mentioned the trip to Gabe a while back in passing, and was going to remind him tonight, but then she’d gotten distracted by the removal of clothing and blinding orgasms.
Now the timing of her trip seemed even more serendipitous as it offered her a chance to create some much-needed distance from this man and all the feelings he was making her feel.
“You can’t?” he asked, moving behind her as she made her way to the door to leave. “Why not?” He’d clearly not remembered her quick visit back to San Francisco, and sounded disappointed, a little annoyed, definitely confused, and, the part that triggered a defensiveness in her own heart, hurt.
She whirled on him. “Because I’m going back to California this weekend, Gabe.” She was whispering, aware that they were in the hallway now, Ruby down the hall. Gabe was standing in front of her in unbuttoned jeans, bare chest and feet, hair tousled from the sex they’d just had. He looked like her very own dream come true, and the ache the sight of him caused only fueled the balking anger brewing inside her.
She resented the fates for putting something so wonderful in front of her, only to remind her she could never have it. Why did he have to back her into this corner right now, when she wasn’t ready? “Believe it or not Gabe, not everything in my life revolves around you.”
Her words flew out. Mean, brutal, and unfair, rocking Gabe back on his heels. He couldn’t have looked more shocked if she’d actually hit him. Hope was breathing hard, trying to keep her tumultuous emotions in check while simultaneously trying to keep from throwing herself into his arms and admitting that going to see the house with three bedrooms and a dilapidated fence was what she wanted more than anything in the whole world. Then begging to stay there with him forever.
Instead, she steeled herself and turned to the door, wrenching it open.
“I have to go. I’ll be back on Tuesday by three to watch Ruby for you.” And with that, she shut the door behind her and fled to her apartment without looking back at all she was leaving behind.
CHAPTERTWENTY-SIX
Hope stayed in her bedroom until almost noon. After she’d left Gabe standing in his doorway, with a look of shocked hurt and confusion on his face, she couldn’t sleep, alternating between tossing and turning and getting up to pace her room.
She couldn’t face the day—or worse, face Ivy, who would instantly recognize that something had gone terribly wrong and would likely find a way to blame herself for it.
That wasn’t going to happen, not again. Silently, she vowed that she wouldn’t leave her room until she had her emotions totally under control. When she faced the world again, she’d need to present as totally normal. And normal didn’t include puffy red eyes and blotchy cheeks.
