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I try to shove Jules back, not wanting him to witness the utter disgustingness, but he insists on staying with me, even holding my hair back and stroking his fingers up and down my back.
By the time I’ve finished spewing my guts out, I’m beyond worn out, sweaty, and probably pretty smelly, too.
I put up a fuss when he moves to carry me again. “I’m smelly and gross.” I swat his hands away.
He picks me up, anyway. “It’s a good thing I don’t mind smelly or gross.”
I moan, my eyelids lowering as fatigue begs to drag me under. “You’re not supposed to be this nice. If I wasn’t your alterum dimidium animae, you wouldn’t be.”
“That’s not true. I was nice to you before you were.” He doesn’t miss a beat. “And I’m pretty sure Liberty didn’t explain very well what an alterum dimidium animae is.” He shifts my weight in his arms, causing my face to press against his chest.
I make no effort to move my face away, breathing in his scent. “She said it meant I was your soulmate, but that you might not be mine. It seems completely unfair for you to get stuck with one-sided love, if you can even call it love, and that magic forces the feeling on you.”
“Magic has nothing to do with it,” he whispers as he begins to move somewhere. “A wolf can only be an alterum dimidium animae if you’re truly connected to them and their wolf. You have to have a connection past the magical bond. It’s why my parents were never alterum dimidium animae with each other, because they couldn’t stand each other.”
“You don’t even know me,” I mumble into his chest. “So how can you possibly be connected to me?”
“Because we used to know each other. We were best friends. Although, Liberty will tell you differently.”
“Did I think you were my best friend?”
“Yes. But you told Liberty otherwise to make her happy. At least, that’s what you told me.” His tone turns teasing. “Maybe you were lying to me, though.”
“I’m not a very good liar most of the time,” I divulge. “So probably not … Still, if we were so close and I’ve been your alterum dimidium animae since we were …”
“Seven,” he says. “But it was more of a friendship thing back then. It takes a long time to grow into soulmates.”
Holy shit, that’s a long time.
“Okay, since we were seven, then why aren’t you mine?”
“Probably for the same reasons you didn’t have a scent when I first met you and why you have very little power.” His voice quiets. “Maybe you’ll never be, though.”
“Do you …? Do you want me to be?”
“More than anything.”
“But you don’t even know me.”
He gives a lengthy pause. “Would you give me the chance? To get to know you?”
“What if you don’t like what you see?” I whisper as sleepiness blankets over me. “What if … you find out … how broken … I am?” Words are slurring from my lips. “What if … you find out … about the attack? About the scars? About what they did to me?” I can barely hold on to reality, but I manage to murmur one final thing. “What if … you find out … my soul is shattered?”
Those are the last words that leave my lips before I pass out.
CHAPTER17
The loveliest voice sings into my ear as I lie on a soft mattress with my eyes closed.
“Who’s singing?” I whisper, nuzzling my face into a pillow. The scent of moonlight and violets dances in the air. “Never mind. I smell violets.”
“Maybe you’re just smelling yourself,” Jules teases, his breath tickling my ear.
I shake my head from side to side. “Nope, I know it’s you.” I crack open my eyelids and roll over to look up at him. “I didn’t know you could sing.”
He lines his body over mine and rests his hand beside my head. “You used to know.”
I pout. “I hate that I used to know a ton of things about you, yet now I know nothing.”
