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The ride home took longer than it should have. He didn’t push the horse to go any faster than a slow walk and by the time he turned down the road to the house, it was full dark. He saw to the horse, made sure he was fed and could reach fresh water and climbed up into the loft to the bedroll he’d spread out there the night before. He felt weary clean to his bones when he laid down and stared out the holes in the roof to a black sky above. A single star shined down. He stared at it, thinking of all the things he’d done wrong in his life until he could no longer see it. Like Betsey, even the stars turned their back on him and he had no one to blame but himself.
The house wasquiet when Betsey stepped inside and shut the door. Ben wasn’t in the rocker by the fire for once. She removed her shawl, hung it on the peg and went to her room. Samuel was in his cradle, moonlight shining through the window enough she could see every inch of his perfect face.
She leaned against the bedroom door, watching him sleep asthe night’s events played back through her head. She’d imagined her first encounter with Aaron again in thirty different ways but none had ever left her feeling so—tired.
After their disastrous confrontation, she’d gone back to the saloon and hadn’t even bothered returning to the stage. She’d run to the back room, thankful no one was there, and sat at the lone table for nearly an hour before gathering her basket of things and ducking into the small room off the back of the kitchen. She changed out of the silk and lace frock Vern wanted her to wear, slipping her homespun gingham dress back on and left through the back door. Vern would probably dock her pay for not coming back out but she didn’t care. She just wanted to be somewhere quiet and had walked along the back of the buildings to the little bench that sat behind the mercantile. She’d sat there until full dark, her thoughts jumping from the argument with Aaron earlier in the day to all those months ago when they met under the willows. Everything had seemed so perfect then and she’d thought she’d spend the rest of her life as happy as she had been during those secret meetings. The boy she’d loved since the moment she saw him had finally seen her as something other than his best friend’s little sister. She’d been planning out the rest of their life together and hadn’t thought much of his ill moods. She always let him rant about whatever it was bothering him until he’d turn to her and kissed her breathless.
And then she wasn’t worth staying for.
The pain still ached and she pushed it away as she crossed the room and pulled off her dress. She sat on the bed and unlaced her boots, kicking them to the side as Samuel stirred. He wasn’t even awake when she picked him up but the moment she laid him against her chest, his mouth opened, his head turning in search for her breast. She opened her shift and stroked his head as he started to nurse. The pain in her chest grew as she watched him. Aaron should be here. She’d imagined a moment just like this a thousand times over the past year and it had never felt so lonelyas it did now. In all the dreams she’d ever had growing up, Aaron had always been a part of her future. Now, it was impossible. He was back but he wasn’t alone. He’d come back to Willow Creek with a woman who was beautiful and exotic looking and had probably seen more of the world than she herself ever would. She was just plain ole’ Elisabeth Ann Atwater, daughter of the town drunk. The girl who’d gone off and got herself in a heap of trouble and had a baby with a man she refused to name. A man who’d forgotten about her and moved on with his life. Something she should do as well. Seeing Aaron again hadn’t made things better like she thought they would. If anything, she felt worse now than she had and probably would until she put him out of her mind, and her life, once and for all, but convincing her heart to do it would take her a lifetime. As hard as she tried to deny it, one truth would always be—she loved Aaron Hilam and always would.
Chapter Six
The sun was barely upwhen Aaron climbed the ladder and started hauling up the wood planks he needed to fix the roof. He’d barely slept, the entire evening before running through his head on repeat most of the night. He still didn’t feel any better about it.
He’d made very concise plans about what he was going to do when he got back home and so far, not a single one of them was working out like he’d thought they would. His family was glad he was home but that was about it. Ben had promised him a good whooping and he imagined it was for bedding his little sister, then leaving her. And Betsey obviously hated him now. Not that he blamed her. He’d treated her awful and he’d have to live with it. He’d not seen Jesse yet but if what his ma said was true, he didn’t much think he would. His friend had married the biggest tomboy in town and had a set of twins only a few weeks old.
Life had gone on without him and all he had to show for it was a mouth full of apologies and a whole lot of wrongs he still needed to make right.
He tried to think through all the things he needed to do as the morning wore on. The sun was starting to beat down on his neckwhen Nate climbed onto the roof with him. He looked over at him, then finished hammering in the nail he’d been driving into the plank. “You fall off this roof and ma will have my hide.”
“No, she won’t. She sent me out here to get you.”
“Maybe, but I doubt she said, ‘Nate, go climb the ladder and crawl onto the roof of the two-story barn and get your brother.’” The look on Nate’s face said she hadn’t. “Didn’t think so. Now get on down. You got no business up here.”
“I’m not a baby.”
“No, but you are a clumsy nine-year-old, so do as you’re told.”
Nate mumbled something under his breath and crawled back to the ladder and swung his legs over the side. Aaron watched him, his heart in his throat as he put his foot on the first rung. Noah had taken a fall off that very ladder and broken his leg so badly that limp he now had when he walked would probably always be there. The fall would probably break Nate’s neck and the guilt he felt for Noah’s leg would be nothing compared to his baby brother getting hurt—or worse.”
Aaron laid his hammer down and turned, watching Nate climb down the ladder. When he was halfway down he said, “What did ma want?”
Nate stopped, the scowl on his face more amusing than menacing as it was intended. “Breakfast is ready. She said to come in so Morning Dove didn’t feel so awkward.” He cocked his head to one side, studying him. “What are you doing with her anyway?”
“I think I already explained that.”
“You gonna marry her?”
“No.”
“Then what you going to do with her?”
He’d been asking himself that for weeks now. He stood and made his way to the ladder, motioning for Nate to continue climbing down, then followed him. When he was on the ground, he repositioned his hat after wiping sweat from his brow andwatched Nate run for the house. Aaron could see movement through the windows, Morning Dove’s slight frame coming into view.
They’d spent months trying to track down her people without any luck and had been forced to hold up in an abandoned cabin during the worst of the winter months and for some reason, not once had they shared anything other than friendly conversation. She was right pretty to look at but she was too quiet and had never looked at him once the way Betsey did.
He thought back to the way Betsey had looked at him in the little clearing behind the mercantile the evening before. That look in her eyes he’d remembered from the year before wasn’t there now. If anything, he saw nothing but contempt and he wasn’t sure how to fix that.
The house was warm when he stepped inside and the scent of frying bacon filled the air. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten it. His stomach growled as he headed to the kitchen to wash up. Everyone was waiting on him as he took his seat at the table and platters of food were passed around after his ma said grace. They’d started eating when he said, “I got a job yesterday.”
Everyone stopped and looked at him.
Noah was the first to speak. “That was quick.”
He shrugged a shoulder. “Hadn’t planned on it but when I went to the livery stable yesterday, they were so busy I had to load the wood planks myself.”
“You should have waited for me to go with you.”
