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“I swear to you, I don’t know who that woman is,” I said. “When she called my name, I thought maybe I might have met her somewhere. I’m not going to pretend I’m a saint. I’ve been out with some women over the years. I can’t say I remember all their names or faces. It’s terrible but it’s true. There have been times a woman will approach me after we’ve been together. There’s also the many, many charity events I’ve been to. My family has been in the public eye almost as long as I’ve been alive. I don’t remember every person I’ve met.”
I gauged her expression to try and see if she was listening to me. It looked like she was, so I kept talking.
“When that woman shouted my name, I assumed she knew me. I didn’t want to be rude. Again, in my line of work, I depend on customers. If I’m a jerk, they take it personally. It will damage not just my reputation, but the company’s as well. So, she came at me and I thought she looked vaguely familiar. I acknowledged her and that was it. The whole encounter lasted maybe thirty seconds. I saw her lunge at me and quickly turned my head to avoid her kiss. Her kiss hit my cheek. I gently but firmly pushed her away and left. That was it. I never saw the woman again. That’s the whole story. That’s it. I can’t make you believe me, but I promise you I’m being honest. I have nothing to hide.”
She stared at me. “Is that it?” she asked.
My shoulders sagged. That was it. I tried. I couldn’t force her to believe me. I couldn’t make her forgive the kiss that never happened. “That’s it,” I said. “Goodnight.”
I left the apartment and got in my car. I stalled, waiting to see if she would come running after me. She didn’t.
I left the complex and drove home. I had told her the story twice. I couldn’t make her believe me. I wasn’t going to beg. I started to think this whole thing was just not meant to be. We’d been doing this dance and getting nowhere. If this little picture tore us apart, it was probably the best thing to let it go. If I tried to stay with her, she was only going to end up breaking my heart. It was better to just move on.
I felt confident I gave her all I could give. If that wasn’t enough, there was nothing else. I tried to show her who I was underneath the public persona. I couldn’t control what people wrote about me or what other people did. I just didn’t see how it was ever going to work.
It was over. I supposed it was over before it started.
45
MACY
It had been the longest week of my life. Jon was done with me. After he showed up at my house and told me his story, that was it. He never tried to explain anything again. He didn’t look at me like he wanted to do me in his office. He didn’t have anything to say to me other than work stuff. The tension between us was thick.
All his explanations told the story of what happened, but he said nothing about why it mattered. He didn’t say he wanted me as a girlfriend or anything else. He never said he would be faithful to me. He simply explained the picture. To me, that meant he was innocent of that one crime, but did he want a relationship or not?
I already knew the whole thing started between us because he wanted to get back at me for what I had done. As far as I could tell, he wasn’t interested in anything more than a casual relationship. He didn’t want to commit to me. He just liked to fuck me on occasion.
I didn’t do casual. If I was going to be with someone, it had to be monogamous. I wasn’t interested in being a side piece. I wasn’t going to share him with anyone. That was gross.
On Friday, the workday ended like every other day that week. I left the office without saying a word. The only difference about that night was what was happening tomorrow. It was the cruise. All anyone could talk about was the cruise. Everyone was excited for the free trip. I wasn’t. I wasn’t sure I was going to go. It felt wrong.
“You’re not packing?” Trisha asked when she got home.
I was sitting on the couch, petting Handcock and staring at some show on TV. “No.”
“Did you already pack?”
“No,” I answered.
“Why?” she questioned. “Don’t tell me he fired you.”
“No.”
“Gee, don’t tell me too much,” she said.
“Sorry. I’m not sure if I’m going to go.”
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because isn’t it going to be weird for me to be there when Jon and I can’t even look at each other?” I asked. “I don’t think it’s a great idea for the two of us to be stranded together on a boat in the middle of the Pacific. It’s a big boat, but it isn’t that big.”
“You’re not going to see him,” she said. “You’re a part of the team. You work there and you have busted your ass just as much as the others. You deserve this cruise.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “They’ve all been working on it for months. I’m not sure I’m as deserving. And I’ll be alone. Everyone else is bringing a plus-one. It was by design. I know he planned the trip with the intention of having a repeat of the Vegas trip.”
“You don’t have to have sex with him,” she said. “Forget about him. Just enjoy the trip. It’s a cruise. You’ll have fun. Just ignore him.”
“I’ve been doing that all week,” I said.
