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He invited me to dinner twice. Both times I shut him down. Why? Maybe he was trying to be nice. Maybe he was thinking we could start over. It was understandable he was mad at first. I understood that. I supposed I kind of expected it. But I was suspicious. He’d been a jerk in the interview and now he was Mr. Nice Guy. I didn’t trust the change in attitude.
The seminar was definitely a direct result of me applying for his job. He was playing games. I loathed games. I hated people that couldn’t just say what they wanted. I hated being jerked around. That was what had me rejecting the dinner proposal. Something felt off about it. Something had me hesitating. I couldn’t explain exactly what it was, but it was a no for me.
I supposed if I was being completely honest, I could admit I was afraid. If we went to dinner and had time to drop our guards, I might just figure out I was still in love with him. Trisha thought I was crazy when I told her I fell in love with him back then. I did. He said it was love at first sight. I didn’t buy into it then, but I did now. Dinner would put me at risk of falling for him. Then what? I let him break my heart?
It was all too much to deal with on my own. After cleaning up my desk, I headed over to the Barre studio to meet Trisha for our regular workout. Today was a day I needed it. I changed and joined Trisha in the studio.
“How was it?” she asked.
“The seminar was good,” I said. “I think the students appreciated the way he talked. He is a charmer. He had those kids eating out of his hands. I will admit, I found myself hanging on his every word. He’s one of those speakers that could whisper, and people would lean forward not to miss anything.”
“Sounds like someone’s still in love with someone,” she teased in a sing-song voice.
“No. I can’t be. I refuse to be.”
“I wasn’t aware that was something you could shut off and on,” she said, laughing.
“He asked me to dinner again,” I said with my lip curled.
“Oh, the horror,” she gasped. “What will you do?”
“Stop. I don’t know what’s going on.”
“Did you get a good look at the hand?” she asked, referring to his ring finger.
“I did. No sign of a ring. No tan line. No indentation. Nothing. He’s not married, but I can’t imagine he’s single, especially after seeing him today. Even the freshmen were drooling. He’s almost old enough to be their father and they would have jumped his bones.”
“And you don’t want to have dinner with him?” she asked.
“No! I can’t.”
“Why not?” she questioned. “One dinner. It might be good for both of you. You will both get the closure you didn’t get. If you don’t want to fall in love with him again, or keep loving him, you need to say goodbye. This is your chance to do that.”
I shook my head. “I just feel like something is off. I don’t understand what he is doing. It doesn’t make sense. In that interview, I could feel his anger. I know he was pissed at me for that night. Now I’m supposed to believe he changed his mind and just wants dinner.”
“What do you think he wants?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I have no idea. There has to be an ulterior motive.”
“Maybe he just wants a repeat of the night in Vegas,” she suggested.
“Sex?”
“Duh,” she said, laughing. “What do you think he wants?”
“I don’t know,” I mused. “I guess sex is probably a reasonable expectation. We did have some pretty good sex.”
“See! I think you should do it. I think you should take him up on his offer. What’s the worst that can happen? You fall in love? You have great sex? You get closure? All of those things seem like they would be a good outcome. I don’t see a drawback to any of those scenarios.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “It feels wrong. And weird. What could we possibly say to each other? As silly as it sounds, we both claimed we fell in love, but we didn’t even know each other. I didn’t believe he gave me his real name.”
“Turns out he did,” she said, laughing. “So, I guess you know more about him than you thought.”
“I know his name. Period.”
“And you know where he works,” she offered. “If you want my opinion, I think you should go for it. I think you should go out with him. Learn a little more about him. You might discover you don’t like him after all. Or you might discover he really is the fantasy you’ve been hung up on all these years.”
“I haven’t been hung up on him!”
