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"And did you?"
"Never have, never will. It’s a core memory at this point."
My-Linh sits, her hands in her lap, pondering over what I just said. "That was a lovely thing he did for you. It looks like he was a good father, not only for you."
"He loved his children so much."
She taps her fingers on the table in front of us, processing her thoughts. "I don't like cocky, selfish, unfeeling, lockpicks, or whatever the word is that you used. And you're not that. So, you've changed. So, I'm proud of you."
I smile. Sometimes it’s nice to see yourself through the lens of someone who likes you, it’ll make you feel like superhuman, like you can do all the things you never thought you could.
"I'm still selfish. I couldn't have pursued this thing with Kiara if I wasn’t. But, I couldn’t stop myself. I could not physically stop myself from being with her. I want to be with her. I want it more than I've wanted anything in my whole life."
Instead of lecturing me, she just nods. "Life isn't black and white. It's grey, and then green in some spots. There’s a corner up the top where it's always kinda marble. and then weird spots that come and go. Sometime it's not a question of either or. It's a question of changing the landscape. She feels the same way about you. You two wouldn't have put your relationships with Nathan in jeopardy if she didn’t. So... maybe the relationship that has to change is the one that didn’t allow you to be friends, as well as his sister’s partner. Maybe the relationship needs to mature. Maybe it's about giving him time to see that he wasn't betrayed. And that the two people he loves most, just happen to love each other as well."
"You're very wise."
"I know, right? Infinitely wise for such a young, pretty lady."
"You are very young, practically a baby. And yes, incredibly pretty. Too pretty for… you-know-who.” I crook my thumb to point at the seat behind us.
"Hey. Enough." Damien, says, looking up from his laptop.
My-Linh and I share a secret look between us before I say, "Oh. Apparently, Damien doesn't think you're pretty. That's not very nice of him."
My-Linh pretends to wipe away a tear. "No, it's really not, is it? He must think I'm an ugly hag," she dramatically sighs and I nod, playing along. "What should I do, Kylian?"
"Well, it all depends if you still want to stick with a Baxter or not. There are three other ones, and somehow you ended up with the ugliest one. Kingsley's even grumpier than Damien, if that's what you're looking for. Or if you want to catch an STI, Matthias is your man. I'm kind of taken right now, but if it doesn’t work out..." I shrug. "Who's stopping us?"
She tilts her head, pretending to count off her fingers, measuring us up against each other but then Damien appears, looming over us. "I said, enough."
My-Linh bites her inner cheek to stop herself from laughing. I have no such intention of bending to my brother’s will and laugh unashamedly.
"Oh, I thought you meant enough of the other serious talk. Not the hitting on your girlfriend thing."
"Fiancée, pencil dick.” He grabs her wrist and drags her back to his seat and into his lap.
"Me Damien, You My-Linh," I say at my seat, but they're not listening. She's nuzzling against his neck, and the expression on his face is something I rarely saw when we were growing up. Happy.
The envy streaks through me, and I have to look away when it hurts too much.
I check the flight clock. Three more hours until we land and I can start looking for her. All I can hope is that I was listening to her properly this whole time.
thirty-six
Kiara
I don't know how long I run when I push those hospital doors open and flee. I run until my legs want to give out, my lungs explode, and the day starts turning to night.
When I stop, I have no idea where I am.
Who I am.
I hurt everywhere, And I don’t recognize my own face or body. I'm living in someone else's body, someone else's life. And I don’t know how to get back to my own reality.
But I have to start somewhere, so I walk, walk back the way I came, but now everything looks different.
My phone has no charge when I think to call a cab, so I keep walking. Until my feet refuse to take another step, and I sit against a wall, watching the people get ready for their day.
