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What the fuck am I doing?
Hadn't he shown how much he had changed since London?
Hadn't everything he'd done in the last few days shown that he was no longer that smirking, smug son of a bitch? That maybe, just maybe, now when he said something, he meant it.
I squeeze my hand and the end of the key digs into my palm, painfully pulling me out of my day dream.
"Fuck," I murmur under my breath.
I have spent so much time trying to pretend that every single breath I take isn’t lined with the whisper of his name. And now...
"Fuck!" This time I yell the word, as my body moves into action. I jump into his car and don't even bother putting on my seatbelt and turn into traffic.
"What the fuck am I doing?" I say, and then instantly push the thought out of my brain. No thinking. My whole life is spent thinking and overthinking every single decision I make. Maybe there's some sort of poetic beauty about the one time I'm going to be spontaneous is going to change the entire trajectory of my life.
It takes a few minutes for me to realize that I hadn't needed to adjust my seat or mirrors when I'd gotten in Kylian's car. A feeling of something warm but also sharp lodges itself in my ribcage as understanding looms, that Kylian had adjusted the seat according to my body. He'd gotten it almost right, it takes only the slightest adjustment of my passenger side mirror before it feels like I’m sitting in my own car.
No one in my life had ever shown me such thoughtfulness before. Not even my parents or my brother. That and I had never been allowed to drive any of their cars, let alone been welcomed into them.
My foot presses on the gas pedal a little harder, and the car lurches forward.
I’ve always known his address, of course, Nathan invited me to all of Kylian’s parties. I had never considered ever attending a single one.
And yet now I’m going there of my own accord. What I’m going to say once I get there, I don’t know. I guess I just need to look into his face one more time to see if he really means what he says when he promises not to hurt me this time.
I arrive at his apartment more quickly than I expect, before the right words have formed in my head. The car screeches to a stop in front the valet station and I throw the keys at the attendant.
"Miss!” he yells after me, stopping me from barging into the building’s lobby. "Isn’t this Mr. Baxter's car?”
“Yup!” I call over my shoulder. “But it's mine now. Park it somewhere close, please. I might not be here long."
I run inside where I'm stopped by a short, stocky doorman.
"Hello, Miss, may I ask where you're going?"
I try to sidestep him, but he blocks me. "Yes, I'm going up to Kylian's apartment."
Something about the way I refer to him by his first name makes the doorman's eyes widen. "Oh, well, please... see the woman at the reception and she will call up to see if he is taking any visitors.
I wave the security card in his face. Rudely. On purpose. I’ve always found that people tend to be more amenable if they’re caught off guard.
"Kylian gave me this so I can go up to his apartment any time I want. Would you like to call up and tell him that you stopped me from going up there?"
The doorman looked so scared I was almost afraid for him. I don't mean to cause him any problems but I need to get there now, so I change tacks.
"Okay, look, if you must, get someone to come up with me, but I'm not going to linger here and wait for you to call him. If you have problems with that, you can call the police and tell them Kiara Yin, of Yin Tech, is here."
His face instantly pales. “Oh. Um, Miss Kiara…" He sighs and waves the security guard over. "Please take Miss Kiara up to Mr. Baxter's apartment please. Just make sure she gets there okay."
I grin. This man is both smart and tactful. "You are wasted working here. Call my brother, Nathan Yin, if you're looking for another job. Tell him Kiara sent you."
"Really? I thought you were bringing me more employees, not trying to steal mine,” a male voice jokes.
I whip around and he's there.
"What are you doing here, Kiara?" he asks, his face neutral but his eyes dancing with curiosity.
My voice sticks in my throat and all I can do is hold up the security key card he pressed into my hand before he left.
