Page 162 of Lust


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As soon as I step in front of the microphones, the flashbulbs go off at double speed. It takes me a moment to adjust to the flashing lights in my face, but I can't stand here forever. The longer I take to get to my point, the hungrier they're going to be.

I take a deep breath and speak from the heart.

"I lied." Well, that's a good start. And I thought the flashbulbs were going off before. "I'm thirty-seven years old and up until a few months ago, I told myself I didn't believe in love, I didn't look for it, and I never expected that I'd find it. And I realize now that I lied. I lied to myself. I was just scared because I thought that I would never find the right person for me. It turns out she was right in front of my face the whole time."

"I know you've heard so many stories about me being a playboy, about me breaking hearts everywhere I go. Well, that is only half true. I enjoyed the company of many amazing women, but no heart was ever broken. And if you hear that, then it's not the truth."

"But the media coverage was getting out of control, and with the Kids & Care IPO coming up, the focus was on me when it should've been about the company. Kids & Care has been consistently ranked as the best child's care and pre-kindergarten service country-wide. We provide parents with peace of mind when they leave their children with us. And they know that at the end of the day, their children will be safe, well fed, have their emotional needs taken care of, as well as giving them ample opportunity to learn more about the world in a fun environment. There are so many things that we want to achieve with the company, take it into rural areas and lower socio-economic communities who deserve to have access to childcare they can trust as well so they can go to work without worrying."

"And my coverage in the media was hindering that. So, I took action. I not only lied to myself, but I lied to you as well. My engagement to Clarissa, while real, was not based on love. Not initially. We were engaged to give you all something else to talk about other than my scandals. And I am so sorry for misleading you. It was absolutely the wrong thing to do. And I see that now. A relationship has to be based on trust. And I understand if your relationship with me has been irrevocably damaged."

"I want you to know I am sorry. But that while we may have started out as entering into the engagement on misleading terms, I can tell you that now, I want nothing more than to marry her. For all the right reasons. But even more so, I want to get to know her, and for her to get to know me, from the start. To see me for all that I am, without all the lies. And for me to see her without being clouded by the past."

I swallow. I wish I knew if she was out there watching. "So, Clarissa, if you're watching, I would like to ask you a question. Would you please go on a date with me? Because even though I will always love you, I think you need to learn how to love me again."

I stop. Done with the words. I wish I could just know if she is watching.

Something occurs to me.

"I... have somewhere to be," I say and jump down from the podium as someone yells out, "Matthias, where are you going?"

I feel a smile spread across my face, and I yell back, "I'm going to ask a girl out on a date!"

Chaos ensues and without turning around, I know the entire gaggle of reporters is following me out of the building and out onto Wall Street.

"Mr. Baxter," Paula pants, catching up with me. "Where are we going?"

"You didn't hear me?"

"You're going to Malt?" she asks, trying to keep up with me.

"I am. Wanna come with?" I walk, no, Irun. I expect the group of reporters to fall away, but they don't, yelling questions out to me on our impromptu jog around Manhattan. "Come on, guys. Keep up. You don't want Anna from Heard It Here to have an exclusive, do you?"

There's something freeing about running up Hudson Street in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon. I wave to a group of tourists watching me running to the Village with ten reporters and their cameramen chasing behind me. All in an Armani suit.

"Run!" one of them shouts.

"I'm trying!" I shout back, with a laugh, my body filling with excitement.

Half a mile from the club, I realize she might not be there. I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial her number.

For the first time in weeks, she answers. "Hello?"

The sound of her voice energizes me, and my legs kick faster under me. "Rissie, where are you?"

"I'm at the club," she says. Not friendly, but not angry.

"Great. Stay right there."

There's a pause, and then she says, "Why are you out of breath?"

"I'm running. I feel like I've been running for a long time. Too long."

She doesn't say anything, but she doesn’t hang up either. I cross the road, almost getting run over by a passing cab. The car horn echoes down the street and into the phone.

"Was that a car horn?"

"Yes, Rissie, it was." I feel like laughing out loud. This is so ridiculous. In the reflection of the nearby shop, I see the crowd running behind me. But instead of growing smaller, more people have joined. They must have caught onto something happening and didn't want to be left out.

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