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There is a note of apprehension in his tone. While I have been obsessed with this man since I laid eyes on him, I don’t know much, if anything, about him.Isn’t that what pillow talk is for?
“What is your favorite color?” I ask softly.
“What? That is not what I expected after that revelation.” his laughter shakes his whole body.
“Well, if we are going to belong to each other, we need to know the important stuff.” I place a light kiss on the top of his head.
“I’m a cop,” he whispers.
Fuck.
CHAPTER SIX
Anight that meant everything to me was spun on its head. Now, I’m not sure what to do about it. It’s been two days, and I am hiding from him this time. I don’t know who to talk to about this. How can I trust him in my place? My heart is telling me to trust him and bring him close. It’s screaming at me to own him and let him own me, yet my head is telling me to run.
Copper joined our club; he is our brother. We had to watch him go through a lot of shit, and we’d washed ourselves of that toxic place. Why the fuck would I want to be with someone who is part of that? Someone who could very well be part of what Connard is doing in this town.
That would kill me. I’ve already become so obsessed with him. Wanting everything with him that I’d never claimed to want before. He’s opened up my eyes to see something so damn amazing, and I can’t let that go. Can I?
My heart says no, and my mind says yes. But I know that I can’t. I can’t let him walk away. There has to be something that I can do to make this work. Right? This all-consuming desire for him isn’t going to be shut off anytime soon. In fact, I don’t think that it ever will be. He’s it for me. My soul has attached itself to him.
Whitley.
Mine. My person. My reason.
Mine.
Yet now, I also have so many questions. So many concerns about the fact that I’m falling for a cop. A cop that could very well be one of the reasons why this town is dying. Fuck!
Sitting in front of my computer, I stare at another email from the ‘inside person’ at the station. This time, it’s just a quote about being stuck in the unknown, and it makes no sense to what we are trying to do. The weirder part was this person bringing Copper into the mix.
I don’t want to think about Copper or this person. I can only think about Whitley. I can’t help it. My brain flies back to that night on my couch, holding Whitley after his revelation to me. I close my eyes and try to calm the anxiety and guilt I felt during that conversation.
“I’m sorry, did you just say you’re a cop?” I stutter. My hands stop their movements along his back. “You don’t think that is something we should have talked about before this?” I start to sit up, moving to the far end of the sofa to look at him head-on.
“When? When could I have dropped that on you? I knew who you were—who you are. I know about the club in town and what you guys do. Why is this a problem?” I can see the hurt in his eyes.
I look away. I’m scrambling to pull my pants up and zip up, almost catching myself in the process. I toss him his underwear, mumbling about how we can’t be naked when we talk about this.
“Whitley, if you know who I am and what my brothers and I do, then you should know why being a cop is a big deal! I mean,” I am practically pulling out my hair as I pace the room. I can’t even look at him. “You’re a COP! Your boss has had it out for us—” I stop before I say too much.
“I know that Connard is a problem, trust me. But I don’t work directly with him! I’m just a ticket cop! I can look up your driving record before I can look up your criminal record.” I can hear the slight humor in his voice.
“This isn’t funny, Whit!” I stop and look at him dead on, “I am so gone for you to the point where I am sick when you aren’t here. But because you’re a cop, I can’t show you off! I can’t risk you. I can’t risk my brothers. This is a place I never wanted to be.”
He stands up and grips my arms. He makes me stop pacing, and when I look down at the ground, he grips my face with his hands, making me look at him. Either he is the best fucking actor I’ve ever met, or he’s truly hurting.
“You think I want this? Do you think I want to want you more than my next breath? Don’t you think I want to take you out and show you off like the luckiest son of a bitch that I am? But I can’t, I get that! I heard what they did to Anderson just for looking at the princess of your club! Add in the fact that I’m gay and touching dicks with the enemy; my life would be done. Your life would be gone!” he yells, and that’s when I realize that he is still naked.
“Then why pursue this? Why put us in danger?” I take a step toward him, attempting to get closer than we already were.
“Because you feel like everything to me! And sometimes you need to put it all out there for the best rewards life has to offer!”
He’s in the same boat that I am. He feels for me immensely, and he wants me as much as I want him. Yet both of us know that this can’t happen. I can’t allow myself to be with him when he’s a cop. I can’t risk losing him because of the war that Connard has sprung against my club. And I can’t risk anything happening to my club. I don’t know what he could do or what he could accomplish being with me. For all I know, this was all a fucking ploy to learn more about my brothers. Connard will go to any level to get what he wants. This thought kills me, and I immediately stomp on it. No. He can’t be a fake. I can tell he feels this. I can tell that he wants me, for me. But….
“I think you need to leave,” I whisper as I walk away from him again. “I need to think and process all of this,” I say quietly, not able to look him in the eye. I can’t see the hurt that I know I’m causing. And I know that I am. His heart mimics my own, and I feel like I’m dying.
“So you don’t feel this way about me?” The pain and betrayal are evident in his voice.
