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“Yeah, man.”
He hangs up, and I feel a slight form of relief knowing that his Sargeant is the one that’s been emailing me. Followed by a pang of regret because it’s not Whitley.Why would it be? He’s a motorcycle cop.
He’s a motorcycle cop. He writes tickets all day and leads funeral processions. There is no way he’s one of the dirty ones. No way. I know I’m stupid as hell coming to this conclusion, but I can’t take another day of being in this much pain. I can’t.
It might be the worst decision, or the best, that I make when I open my door and rush to his, and start pounding on the door. It doesn’t take long before his door swings open, and his face comes into my line of sight.
“I’m sorry. I need you.”
He doesn’t say anything. He steps forward, grips the back of my neck, and slams his mouth onto mine. I moan instantly, and he walks us back into his apartment. Once I’m past the threshold, I slam the door shut and take back what I lost for two of the worst days of my life.
CHAPTER SEVEN
“Do you really feel secure in this?” Whitley asks me, resting his strong hand on the side of my face as we lay in his bed.
“I am sorry I freaked out. There were just a lot of unexpected emotions, and I was feeling mildly torn between my loyalty to my family and my loyalty to you.” I pull his face closer to mine, brushing my lips softly on his. “Not only is this my first relationship with a man, but this is my first relationship in general. While I feel like you have molded and become one with me, like my soul has found its other half, I still can’t stop the nagging feeling that I am betraying my family by being with you.”
“I know,” he says, “there are some things that nag and hurt me by being with you, too. But we both know that the biggest obstacle is you being in the MC and me being a cop. A lot playing against us until Connard is gone, and there isn’t as much dirty shit going on in the precinct.” Whitley gives this long mournful sigh.
“Where does that leave us, then? What can we do about us?” I ask, my finger tracing the fine lines and his beard. Memorizing all the parts of his beautiful face. I’ve gone through my entire life up until this point and had never thought a man beautiful. But that’s exactly what Whitley is. He’s beautiful. I want to memorize every line, freckle, and hair he has on his face. He’s given me so much by just choosing me.
“Would you be upset if we kept it between us? We can tell people we are taken, but not by who. I don’t want to get you in trouble with your brothers, and I don’t want to put you in danger with any other cops in town. You don’t need the extra target painted on your back.” He looks at me like I was going to turn tail and run again. I can tell he didn’t want to suggest this, but the more I think about it, the more I understand why he suggested it.
“I am okay with that. To be honest, I’m not sure if I want to out myself just yet either.” I say, fear all of a sudden consuming me. Will he look at me and think that I don’t want to do anything but keep him a secret? That’s so far from the truth that I can only hope he sees this for what it is—I’m afraid. I want him. That’s been decided. I’m not going to change my mind about him. There is no way that I can. But I know I won’t be able to handle telling the guys that I’ve fallen for a man.
How can I when it’s so unexpected for me yet, so soul-consuming? I would die for this man that I’ve only known for a short amount of time. I would kill for him if he asked me to. That’s what also scares me. My feelings for him are so deep, so unreasonable when you think about it, but I can’t stop it. I wouldn’t even if I could. I never understood what people meant when they said they found their person and became so totally enamored with them.
That all changed the second that I met Whitley.
While I wish I could tell the world who I am in love with—
No. No. No, no, no. Not love. No. There’s no way. Not yet. I can’t be. I can’t be in love with a man I don’t know everything about yet. Fuck. I just found out that he was a cop two days ago.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I can’t let this happen, can I? Do I even have a fucking choice in the matter? No. Probably not.
“I…I want the world to know that you’re mine, but I don’t know how everyone in my life is going to respond, and I don’t think that I can handle it right now. I need to tell them, and I’m going to; I am. But I just…need time. Plus, don’t think that I forgot about what you said when you were telling me about your job. You’re just as scared. You’re an actual gay man. You have a different type of fear that you’re going to experience, and if the people in that station can do what they did to Anderson without hesitation, I understand why you don’t want your sexuality to be known. As long as you’re safe, I’m fine with keeping what we are between us.”
Whitley uses that moment to mold his lips and his body with mine. I can feel it in the kiss that he appreciates what I told him. That it was something that was weighing heavy on him, and he was just as scared as I was. While his being a cop may cause issues with the club, I’m determined for them to see that I’m being smart about this. I’m not going to give him something on the club. I won’t put my brothers or their families in danger to help him. I only want to give him me and that I can do. I’m not going to let anyone stop me from being with him. I need some time to get the nerve to tell the guys that the one for me is a man.
When Whitley’s hand slides down my body and grips my cock through my pants, I moan into his mouth. The romp that we had when the door shut earlier was full of pure, carnal desire. We both had pent-up desires from the past two days of not seeing each other, and it was like a nuclear bomb went off when the doors shut. Clothes were torn, scratches were given, and kisses included teeth. It was a damn mess, but it was perfect. Both of us gave in to the need that we both have for one another. And Ineedhim.
“As much as I want to, I can’t. I need more of a refractory period.” I say shyly, and he laughs. When he pulls back, I don’t see judgment in his eyes. I see happiness. I see love, but neither of us is going to say it. We can’t. Not yet. It’s too soon.
“To be honest, so do I. I can’t help myself when it comes to you. I want to touch you, always. I want to bring you pleasure. I want to be everything—”
“—You are. You’re already everything, and if we’re having a moment of honesty, it scares me how much I already care for you. How obsessed I am and how much more I want from you. I’ve never had this pure, raw need to have someone the way that I do you. Whitley, I know it’s not healthy. It’s an obsession, and I’m terrified. I don’t want to end up hurting you in the end because I can’t differentiate between what I am now and loving you.”
“You’re not the only one that’s obsessed,” he says as he turns his face into my neck.
“What do you mean?”
“I…I don’t know if I should say. I don’t want you to think differently of me.”
“Never. I tried. I tried to get you out of my head and move on when I found out you were a cop, and all I was successful at was practically killing myself from grief. You can tell me. I’m yours.”
He shakes his head and gives me a quick kiss. “I was on duty, hiding in town to catch people speeding. I saw you one day. The second I saw you, I forgot about my job and watched you. I claimed you as mine that second. When I watched you pick up a woman and put her in a car, I had this uncontrollable rage that wanted to go over there and take her from you and make you take me. I wanted to scream out that you were mine, but I knew that I couldn’t. I really knew that I couldn’t when I saw your jacket and the logo for the club. There was no way that you would want me, a cop. But I couldn’t stay away. I watched you anytime I could. Anytime I saw you, my eyes followed you until they couldn’t. So the day you moved in, imagine my surprise when the man I’ve been salivating for is now this close to me. I may not have known your name, but I’ve known about you for a while. I was determined to make you mine, and now that you are, you’re stuck with me, Sandy. You’re scared of being obsessed? Well, I’m way past that, and I’m afraid I will never be able to tell the difference between obsession and loving you.”
