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“You just what?” he asks me softly. When I open my eyes and lift my head, I see that he’s down on his heels, so he’s level with me. “You just what, brother?”
“I just want him. I want him so fucking much. I want to keep him, fall in love with him, and just be. I want that all while I keep this club because this family means everything to me. I want both. Ineedboth to survive. Now that I have him, I can’t have him taken from me.”
“Brother, it sounds like you’ve already fallen in love with him.” I scoff, but he doesn’t break his stride as he continues. “As for having both, I would like to think that our Prez will be understanding about it.” If he thinks I didn’t see his eye roll, he’s mistaken. “But you’re never going to find out if you don’t tell the club. I’m not going to tell you to come out. That’s only something that you can do on your own time. I don’t understand how you can look past the fact that he’s a cop, but I can see it clear as day that you’re in love with him. I think that as long as what happens here stays here, you should be okay. But you can’t stop looking into the department because of him. And if by some chance he comes up as a suspect, you need to be able to step away and do what’s right. Bringing The Company down is more important than being with him. The Company has stolen so much. We can’t let it continue because you don’t want to turn your man in.”
“He’s not part of it. I’m positive, but I can promise you, if he is, I will walk away. I can look past his job, but I will never look past him being part of a trafficking ring. I’m in a hard spot because the fact that he could be should deter me, but it doesn’t. I might be a dumbass for this, but I really believe that he’s the good guy, and had he worked with Copper, Copper would think the same thing.”
“They don’t know each other?”
“Naw I asked. Copper’s last day was shortly after my man started.”
“Alright. If he’s that new, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt as well. I got your back, brother. As I said, I’m not gonna make you out yourself, but don’t wait too long. Normally I wouldn’t even say that, but given the situation, I think it’s the right thing to do.”
He clasps his hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze.
“I know. I will. I promise. Soon.” I smile at him.
“Good. Now that that’s all outta the way, tell me, what’s it like taking a dick for the first time?” He’s dead serious, and I know that my face has gone bright fucking red when he busts out laughing. “Oh man, you should see your face.”
“Stop it,” I say as I punch his arm with absolutely no force.
“Ow. Cheeseless-crust, this is abuse!”
“You fucker.” I laugh.
“Okay, okay. Jokes aside. If you ever need someone to talk to about this stuff, I’m here for you. Although, since you said that he’s gay, I’m going to assume he knows what to do.”
“Just because I haven’t fucked a man before now doesn’t mean I don’t know how to have anal.”
“Correction. You know how to give anal, not receive anal. That’s a whole different ballgame, and brother, it’s fucking magical.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Iwas going to attempt to walk away again. I figured that was the best thing to do for all involved. All except myself and Whitley. It wouldn’t be what’s best for us. Riding back to my place, I was determined to tell him how much I wanted him and that if he wanted me just as much back, then we would both yell out, “Fuck the rules,” and just be. He is who I want, and I’ll be damned if I let anyone take him away from me. Turd giving me the straight truth about my relationship ended up helping more than I thought it would. He gave me insight and laid it all out for me. I think he’s right—as long as neither of us talks about what’s happening, we can make this work. That should be easy enough, given the fact that when I’m with him, he consumes me completely.
I enjoy the ride for a little while longer until my longing for him starts to hurt. I don’t know what this will mean for the two of us in the long run, but I’m ready to find out. I know that he has a past, the same as me, but thinking about any of that makes my blood boil. I have to talk to him about it, though, because I did the one thing that I have never done in my life, I fucked without a condom, and I didn’t even ask if he was okay with it. I was so caught up in the passion that I didn’t even stop to think. I’m tested every three months like clockwork, but that doesn’t give me the right to do what I did.
Another reason why I need to get home and get to Whitley.
Rushing up the steps, I hurry into my place and put my shit away, and feed the cats. I would never give them away but having to stop to feed them when I am desperate to get to Whitley makes me rethink why I have so damn many.
“Oh, babies. What am I thinking? I’d never get rid of you. Daddy loves you, but I gotta go get me a man.”
They don’t respond because, of course, they don’t. They’re cats. I tell myself it’s because they’re too busy eating, and when Phil looks up at me, it’s him asking me, “What the hell are you still doing here?”
“Right. I’m just…I’m gonna….”
“You’re gonna what?”
Jumping, I turn around to face my best friend. Scolding myself that I didn’t hear him come in because I was too worried about my babies, thinking I didn’t even want them anymore because, yes, they could read my thoughts.
I’m an idiot.
“Wow, you damn near hit the roof with your little jump there,” Zombie says as he laughs at me.
“Man, fuck you. You scared me. And what the fuck isneah?Is that even a word?” I laugh as he tosses a pillow from my couch at my face as he sits down. I catch it and head over to him. “What are you doing here?”
“You never came and found me after church. You were just gone. I wanted to make sure that you were alright. Something’s up with you, man, and I’m determined to figure out what it is. Or, at least, take you out and get you laid.”
