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I reach for my phone to text him that I am too busy tonight, but I stop after unlocking the phone. Looking at the one and only picture I have of the two of us, I feel tears spring to my eyes. I see the way he leans into me. His eyes are closed-like he is feeling everything at that moment. I’m looking at the camera, but you can still see and feel every emotion there. I remember how, right after this picture was snapped, I turned my head and planted my lips on his. His mouth was commanding but also pliant. He gave me everything he had in that kiss. Letting me know we’d be okay. I believed him then. I wasn’t scared then. I toss my phone onto the couch and rub my hands on my face and through my hair. My heart and gut feel this guilt for being mad at him, for just being him. I hate being angry because of our situation. We agreed. We decided being together was better than being apart. But at what point is it too much? When will this break me?If it hasn’t already?
I look back at the computer, and a thought hits me. Solve this. Get the evidence that proves it’s Connard and his cronies. Once I have that, get someone to hand it over to the feds. When that’s all cleared up, and the bad cops are taken out, I won’t have to hide Whitley anymore. Solve the case, and have Whitley without fear. I could talk to him about things and not worry about it getting out to the wrong person.
“You look like you need a drink or a back rub.” I hear Whitley say from behind me.
I spin and see him slowly closing the door. His green eyes locked on me and were full of concern. He sees me raging, and instead of being upset or questioning me, this beautiful man is worried and concerned about me. I don’t deserve him. I can’t help the emotion that bubbles up in me, especially when I don’t even understand it.
“You,” I say, my voice breaking slightly. “I wish I could tell you, but I can’t because of who I am and who you work for. I can’t tell you why I’m mad. I can’t run ideas off of you. Hell, I can’t even bitch about my friends and family for fear that it might get out to someone.” He tries to speak, but I hold up a hand to stop him as I continue. “I know why, and I understand why, but it kills me. Because right now, I am so confused and stressed, and I can’t talk to you about it! It’skillingme.” I stop, realizing that I’m yelling. There’s no reason for it, but it’s what I’m doing.
“You don’t think it doesn’t kill me? It does. It kills me that you only see fifty percent of who I am when I want to give you one hundred percent myself. I can’t talk to my family or friends about you either because they’re overbearing and will want to meet you. And I can’t let them because of the same reasons you listed. You aren’t the only one hurting. You aren’t the only one who wants to scream from the rooftops that I feel that I have found my other half. I found a man who does everything to and for me that I could have hoped for.” Whitley’s voice is calm, but not an angry calm. He is holding back just as much pain as I am.
“What do we do then? What can we do? I know this isn’t the most normal relationship. But we should be able to talk about the things that bother us, don’t you think?” I feel my soul start to splinter at the suggestion of this.
“You have tried to push me away once already, and it didn’t work for us—didn’t work at all. We have too much here to walk away from this. We will get past this. As long as you stand by me, and I stand by you, we will get through this. This hiding, this pain, it’s not forever.”
He wraps me in his arms and gives me a soul-stealing kiss.
“I love you, Sandy.”
I may be terrified. I may be upset that I have to hide him and may not be able to process much of what I’m feeling, but one thing became perfectly clear when I hear him say those four words.
“I love you, too.”
Tonight was the night.
Whitley was going to sink his cock into me. I’ve been going crazy thinking about it since he told me the way that he wanted me displayed. I’m not ashamed to admit that I looked up porn and photos to get the right idea. I found one man’s picture that had me looking a lot longer than I probably should have.Research. It’s all for research.I looked at the picture, and after a couple of tries, I was finally able to get it right.
I texted Whit to tell him to come straight to his place tonight after work. I had taken care of the cats and had them all situated. I was determined to get what I wanted, and I didn’t want anything to get in my way. This was too important. I didn’t want to miss out on this or have something come up that would prevent it from happening.
I needed Whitley inside of me. I needed to know what it felt like to be filled by the man I’m in love with. I know what filling him feels like. It’s time to switch. I’m desperate for it—for him.
Whitley had told me that he would be here by six. Looking at the clock, I noticed I had about thirty minutes. I hopped in the shower and cleaned myself—thoroughly. I made sure every inch of my skin was washed and certain areas washed twice. I know that he doesn’t care about certain things, but this is a huge step for us, and I want to make it something the both of us will remember, even if it’s by doing something simple, like washing twice.
Out of the shower, I quickly dry and rush to the bedroom.
Standing in front of the bed, I check the clock one more time, and it’s almost like magic. The moment the clock strikes six, the lock in the front door disengages.Perfect timing.I get on the bed and get into position.
At the edge of the bed, I spread my legs, placing each knee as close to the edge as I can. I push back my cock and my sack. I attempt to get as comfortable as I can in the position, but it’s new to me, and I am focused on not falling before Whitley can see me as he described.
“Babe?” I hear him yell from the front room.
“In here!”
This is it. I arch my back as much as I can and support myself with my hands on my knees. I know my hole is on display for him, just like he told me he wanted. I know that everything he wants is on display.
I take a deep breath.
“Hey. So why did you w—” he stops. I hear the door lightly smack against the wall and nothing else. I’m honestly surprised that he can’t hear my heart; it’s pounding so hard. I take another breath. When I don’t hear anything, I start to worry. Did I fuck up? Did I take what he said wrong? How can I fix this? I’m about to lean forward so I can get myself out of this position when Whit’s tongue covers my hole.
“Oh, fuck.”
He continues to lick for a moment before he nips at my hole. “Fuck, Sandy. Walking into the room like this, you spread out, ready for me to eat. Mmm,” he growls as his mouth connects with my ass again. He eats like he never has before. Worshiping me with each lick, stroke, suck, and little nibble. He pulls my cheeks apart, which creates tension that is intoxicating.
“Fuck, Whit. That feels so good. More. I need…more.” I’m a panting mess, but I don’t care. I want everything that he can give me, and I want to make sure that I am impaled by his cock when I come. Iwillbe topped.
He sucks the head of my cock into his mouth, pulling my dick back more. I feel like I’m flying. It feels so damn good. As his head bobs up and down, his fingers slip into my wet hole. It doesn’t take him long to find my prostate and for me to become a blubbering mess. When he sucks me hard and his tongue circles around my head, I pull forward.
“Stop. I don’t want to come until you’re inside me. Please.” I wanted to stay in this position for the simple fact that he wanted it so badly. But something inside me had me spinning around. I grabbed his face and brought his lips to mine. The taste of myself was driving me wild.
