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‘No,’ said Mark, narrowing his eyes as he watched Olly take a sandwich off the tray, poke the filling with his finger and lick it, then pull a face and put it back. ‘Whenever we have really great female players, I’d definitely like you to coach them.’
Once Rob had finished his lunch, every bite of which tasted like dust, he headed over to the coaches’ table. It was on the edge of the terrace away from the guests, which meant they could talk business and scheduling during the breaks without being interrupted. ‘How’s your morning been?’ he asked Nick.
‘Good,’ said Nick. ‘Big mixed group of Greys from Kent. Decent players, nobody’s killed each other yet.’
‘I see you got the Surrey MILFs,’ drawled Olly, wandering over with a huge slab of cake in his hand. ‘You really are wanking Mark off, aren’t you?’ He chewed with his mouth open, his square jaw working away like a grazing cow.
Rob ignored him, watching Aaron scurry across the terrace towards them. ‘Where are we going tonight?’ he asked, obviously desperate not to be left out. ‘I need a beer. I’ve got four Alpha Wankers from Windsor who’ve got four-hundred-quid racquets and don’t know which end to hold.’ In the absence of any official shorthand descriptors for the male groups, Aaron had been making up his own, and Rob had to admit that Alpha Wankers was a great fit.
‘We should go to Marbella again,’ said Olly, casting his eye over the women on the terrace and settling on Gaynor, who was squatting down to re-tie her laces. ‘Maybe later in the week, when this lot start warming up.’
‘How about the Luna Lounge?’ said Rob, remembering Jess’s plans. He only realised he’d said it out loud when it was too late, instantly kicking himself for his stupid lack of discipline. ‘Um, I haven’t been there yet, and I’ve read some good reviews.’
Olly raised his eyebrows. ‘Well, if TripAdvisor here says we should go to the Luna Lounge, I’m not going to argue. Are you planning to go to bed early again?’
Rob smiled, desperately wanting to punch Olly in his giant bovine face, but deciding he wasn’t worth getting fired over. ‘I never leave before I’ve bought a round, which is all that matters.’
‘That’s actually true,’ drawled Olly as Jonno joined them. ‘Luna Lounge tonight, mate. Reverend Rob is getting his wallet out.’
‘Will there be women?’ asked Aaron. ‘I need to tick off some more bingo wins; I’ve only got one so far and it’s stressing me out.’
‘There’s always women in the Luna Lounge,’ said Olly with a wolfish grin. ‘Why don’t you introduce us to your group, Rob? I’d quite like to tick off hotel resident sooner rather than later, and they seem like a good bet.’
‘I bet they’re all married too,’ said Aaron. ‘Olly, can I tick off more than one box? Like if she’s married, a hotel guest and has fake tits, can I claim all three?’
‘No.’ Olly looked at Aaron in disgust. ‘You can only tick off one category at a time. Unless you manage a threesome.’
‘Jesus,’ said Rob, shaking his head.
‘You ever done that?’ asked Nick, his dark eyes glittering.
‘Yeah,’ said Olly, looking a bit misty-eyed as he polished off his cake. ‘Mother and daughter. Ticked off older than my mum and weighs more than me in one night.’
‘So what do you reckon?’ asked Aaron, nodding towards Gaynor and Jess, who were deep in conversation. ‘Would you chalk up one of those against hotel guest, or married?’
‘Hotel guest is much harder than married,’ said Chris, leaning back to check out the group. ‘I reckon the one with the curly hair. Great legs. I wonder what time they open?’
Rob took deep breaths as he followed Chris’s line of sight towards Hannah, the only one of the group with curly hair. ‘I think she’s gay,’ he said quickly. ‘I’m pretty sure I heard her mention a girlfriend earlier.’
‘Is that on the bingo?’ Aaron asked. ‘Could I swap that for older than my mum?’
‘Not a chance,’ said Olly. ‘Although aren’t you, like, twelve? I bet your mum isn’t a day over fifty. Rob, call them over to say hello.’
‘Do we have to?’ Rob protested. ‘It’s their lunch break, and I’m not throwing my players into your fuckingHunger Gamesarena.’
‘You’re not playing, what do you care?’ said Olly, a note of challenge creeping into his voice. ‘I tell you what, why don’t you invite them to the Luna Lounge tonight?’
‘You can chat to the gay one,’ said Chris. ‘Leave the rest of them to us.’
Rob hesitated, conscious that he’d just inadvertently given himself a way to talk to Hannah without looking like he was chatting her up. It was powerfully tempting, even though what remaining common sense he had was telling him to stay well away.
‘Fine,’ he said. ‘But you’d better behave yourselves; I’ve got to coach these women all week.’
‘You poor baby,’ said Olly, his voice dripping with sarcasm. ‘You get to coach a group of really fit women, and all you had to do was suck Mark’s tiny dick. Must be terrible.’
Rob sighed heavily and stood up, giving Olly the benefit of his full height. He leaned over to whisper gently in his ear. ‘You know why Mark doesn’t let you coach the top groups, Olly? Because you’re a prick and nobody likes you, and also you smell fucking awful. I just thought you should know.’ He walked towards the bar, smiling as he glanced back to see Olly surreptitiously scratching his armpit, then sniffing his fingers.
Hannah was between him and the bar, so he breathed in as hard as he could to avoid touching her as he edged past. He caught a whiff of her sun cream and some kind of fruity shampoo, and clenched his fists to control the urge to stroke the warm, smooth skin of her shoulders. By the time he grabbed a drink and moved to the far side of the terrace, he felt hot and anxious, like he was hyperventilating or something. He stood with his back to the crowd of players and coaches, taking deep breaths until he felt more normal. Whatever it was about Hannah that was making him unsettled, he definitely needed to get it under control.
