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Efrem dresses with jerky motions, his frustration apparent in his body language as my heart aches to see him cover the body I crave like an addict.
“I’m not ash—”
“I don’t want to argue about it. You have told me your wishes. I have expressed our reality as I see it. You can choose to do with that as you will. I assure you, I will not bring you back here when it makes you so uncomfortable.”
My heart sinks as I feel the rift opening up between us, but I’m not quite sure how to fix it.
“Come, I will take you home,” Efrem says, collecting my belongings and handing them to me so I can dress.
I can’t bring myself to look at him as I swallow back tears. I managed to completely destroy one of the best nights of my life in an instant. Though I don’t know how I’m supposed to choose between protecting my father’s career—and his health—and my happiness.
With Efrem, all I want to do is let go of that constant suffocating cloud hanging over my head. To follow my heart and be with him, and let the rest of the world go straight to hell.But if I do, could I live with the potential consequences?
21
EFREM
As I walk down the hallway, making my rounds, I can hear Dani’s bubbly laughter mingling with Silvia’s and Isla’s from inside the little girl’s playroom. My stomach knots. We haven’t talked more about what happened at Proclivity, and as much as I said I didn’t want to talk about it, I can’t seem to get our conversation out of my head.
I don’t like the way we left things.
But I can’t keep letting it roll off my shoulders—the way she doesn’t want to be seen with me in public. It leaves me feeling like a dirty little secret. And I can’t tell anymore if she’s more excited about the taboo of dating a Bratva member—or maybe an older man—or if she’s actually serious about us.
Sometimes, she almost has me convinced that it’s me she wants. That she feels what I feel. And other times, I get the distinct impression that she would rather no one ever learn about us, which means she sees this as temporary—a thrill to explore until she loses interest.
All I know is I’m falling hard for Dani, and I can’t figure out where we stand.
Grinding my teeth, I force myself to keep walking. A moment later, I enter Pyotr’s office and shut the door quietly behind me.
Pyotr glances up from his desk to meet my eyes.
“All clear,” I state.
He gives a sharp nod and pulls his paperwork into a pile before sliding it into a desk drawer and locking it. “Good, then let’s go collect the girls.”
It’s Isla’s third birthday today, and to celebrate, Pyotr wants to take her and Silvia out to dinner—even if tensions are at an all-time high with the Zhivoder. But we’ve picked a restaurant in Brooklyn that will likely be safe since it’s smack-dab in the middle of Veles territory.
And while the conflict has made it near impossible to hire trustworthy guards to protect Silvia—which leaves us a bit stretched in the security department—I suppose working the extra hours will help take my mind off Dani.
Val and I follow Pyotr back into the hallway, turning toward the playroom decked out with enough toys to entertain an entire daycare of children.
“Knock, knock,” Pyotr says, opening the door to reveal an adorable tea party in full swing.
“Daddy!” Isla squeals, hopping up from her chair to run into her father’s arms.
The charming little girl flashes me a smile over Pyotr’s shoulder as he scoops her up. And laughter bursts from her as he attacks her with kisses.
“All done?” Silvia asks, her tone sympathetic. She knows all too well the long hours mypakhanhas been working while trying to manage the Zhivoder conflict.
She rises from her chair as well, and as Dani follows suit, my eyes track her fit figure. She’s wearing a deep-green top today with a sheer lace panel that shows off her beautiful back, and her white designer jeans, torn in just the right places, hug her curves perfectly.
I force myself to look away as her eyes follow Silvia’s to look at Pyotr.
“All done. You ladies ready to celebrate?” he asks, giving Isla a playful bounce.
“What are we cele’rating?” Isla asks, her face contorting in confusion.
“You, silly girl. It’s your birthday today, remember? And Mommy and I areso happyyou were born that we want to take you to dinner. Maybe even let you have dessert. Does that sound fun?”
