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“Because I wanted him to agree to the plan,” I exclaim. “I wasn’t going to fuck him.”
“Keep telling yourself that.”
I shake my head as I huff, “I’m not going to sleep with a man who has dirty threesomes on a daily basis. He’s a manwhore.” I could not sound more judgmental.
“Only means he’ll be exceptional in bed,” winks Iris. He was my first yet I knew deep in my bones he was the best. The men later in my life only proved me right.
Rosa simply shrugs and pitches in her two cents, “It’s not like you’ll fall in love with him. Just enjoy the free orgasms and say goodbye once Arya is married.”
“Get out, you both.” I shut the door on their laughing faces and breathe a deep sigh.
There’s no more denying that I’m physically attracted to Dash and my body craves his rough touch, the fantasies he paints and his deep, dominating voice when he’s turned on. Knowing he’s my ex’s stepbrother and made it his mission to uproot my life in the past doesn’t make me desire him any less.
However, it’s not enough for me to have sex with him again and cross the line into dangerous territory. Our connection only brushes the surface and no matter how much I ignore it, I’ve never been the girl who has meaningless sex. Especially with a man who infuriates me half the time.
I’m not going to give in to the pull that breathes like a live wire between us.
He and I are forbidden and always will be.
Our history is too complicated to be anything but.
And being around Dash also brings up the memories of Niall, in spite of the cage I’ve locked them in. Mostly, the anger and the pain that he never once called or tried to win me back, let alone apologize for cheating on me. When I had caught him, he hadn’t even pulled out of the girl even after seeing me standing there with tears streaming down my face.
All I remember is running and ending up outside Dash’s bedroom.
I stupidly thought I had moved on from Niall’s betrayal but when you’ve never found closure, the scars never fully heal. The wound may try to seal itself but all it takes is one scratch for the stitches to come undone.
It’s not that I’m still in love with Niall. Because over the years, I realized he was never the one for me. It’s the ugly damage it’s caused to my teenage heart that I haven’t been able to repair. Every time I tried to date in the past, a flicker of doubt would make itself home inside me like a slow poison and kill everything.
Separating from him and looking back on our relationship, little snippets or memories showed me he wasn’t as perfect a boyfriend as he pretended to be. There were times he would belittle me in subtle ways, disregarding my feelings, but I could never see past the lovesick fool he had made me.
My first heartbreak became my ultimate downfall.
It hardened the layers around my heart until I stopped letting anyone in. Sadly, they’re still as strong as ever. They’ve covered my heart so deep that no one can ever rupture it.
The idea of love… feels like a hopeless dream. Because all it brings with it is a chaos of sadness and loathing. All I know is, I never want to be the pining, love-obsessed girl I once was.
“Kitten.”
Upon hearing Dash’s soft voice, I turn around from gazing out the floor-to-ceiling glass wall to face him. His expression is pinched in concern and burning curiosity while the rest of him is impassive and cold.
“Yeah, Dash?” I ask, clearing my throat.
Jeez! How long was I zoned out?I ponder as he continues to stare intensely. Can he tell I was wondering about his stepbrother? It makes me wonder whether they still hate each other. Do they still talk? Or if he bragged to Niall that he and I slept together? Niall was petty enough to do it, had the situation been reversed.
Most importantly, do I even wanna know? It’d be nothing less than opening a can of worms. Maybe it’s safe to continue to ignore the elephant in the room. The less deep we go into our shared past, the easier our coming days will be.
Or you’re just not courageous,my mind taunts viciously.
“Do you need help moving your stuff?” he asks. I expel a sigh when he doesn’t grill me about my earlier thoughts.
I focus on him and frown. “I’ve already moved all my necessary things, Dash.”
“The master bedroom upstairs is empty.”
“Yeah. I left it for you and took one of the bedrooms down the hall on this floor.”
His gaze narrows dangerously and his forearms bulge when he crosses them in front of his wide chest. “What is wrong with the master bedroom?”
