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I leave a kiss on her forehead and I don’t even have to ask how her first class went, she tells me everything and barely breathes until she has finished exposing every detail, new friend and movement; she even rehearses a few steps before climbing the stool and sitting on it.
Antonella watches everything as she prepares Bella’s dinner, from time to time giggling and shaking her head in negative.After a few minutes of talking non-stop, the child shifts her attention from me to the plate of food that is placed in front of her.
“I didn’t know you were working out,” I say when silence takes over the space.
“I wasn’t...” She moves around the kitchen and I’m so fucking attracted to the contrast of the color of her clothes and her skin, that I couldn’t tell what Antonella is doing, even though I’m looking at her. “I started today... Bella’s class lasts an hour, so I thought it would be nice to take this time to do something besides waiting.”
“Right… Something besides waiting…” I repeat quietly what she just said, looking away to the top of the counter before which I am now sitting.
“What about your day? How was it?” The question catches me off guard and my eyebrows rise involuntarily only to immediately frown.Antonella looks over her shoulder when I take my time to answer and I stutter a hurried answer.
“It was fine… same old same old… I think…”
“You think?”
“I don’t usually think about it too much!?”
“Why?” Now, she’s looking at me with her whole body turned in my direction and confusion stamped on her face.
“I don’t think anyone has ever asked...” I pause, even though I’m finding the information strange, “not after I stopped living with my parents.” First she’s surprised, then she looks sorry, and I really wanted to pull her to me and tell her it’s okay, it was just a question, there’s no reason to freak out.
But Isabella is sitting right next to me eating her pasta, so I just tilt my head and hope my gaze conveys at least a part of what I’d like to do and say.
“Got it… And is it okay to ask?” I laugh and nod, agreeing.
“Tomorrow I’ll have a better answer.” I wink at her.
?
The characteristic buzz of the cell phone vibration pulls my attention away from the papers in front of me and I look away to the device on my desk.Two reasons make me smile, surprised.
The first, the fact that it’s a video call.The second is Antonella calling me, and I don’t think that’s ever happened before.
I bite my lip and grab my phone, torn between curiosity and worry.But the second one falls apart when I answer the call and a smiling Antonella appears on the screen.I give her a crooked smile and narrow my eyes, not knowing exactly what to expect.
“Am I bothering?” she asks and puts a lock of hair behind her ear.
“Never.” The smile she gives me in response is worth every second of the cold sensation that takes my chest when I realize that I did not answer as usual.
She’s never going to bother, I realize.Because no matter what I do, lately my thoughts are always split between Antonella and anything else. Seeing her, talking to her, at an unexpected time, just can’t be bad.
“Did something happen?”
“No... I just...” She shakes her head, surprising me again, looking embarrassed.I don’t think I’ve ever seen Antonella really embarrassed.I’ve seen her pretend countless times, but the embarrassment in her lost expression can’t be acting.
“What is it,Ella?” She raises her eyes, runs her tongue over her lips, filling my mouth with water with the desire to taste her, blinks a few times and then talks.
“I was going to lunch and I was wondering if you wanted company... I didn’t know if this was your lunch hour, or if you have lunch alone, or if you have lunch” she drops one sentence after another almost without breathing, squint, runs her free hand over her face, and shakes her head. “You know what? I’m sorry… I… I shouldn’t have called… Never mind, I, I…”
“Antonella!” I interrupt her explanations with a stupid smile on my face, loving to see a crack in the wonder woman armor my wife wears often.Against my own common sense, feeling the ego being massaged by knowing that I’m not the only one who doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing. “I miss you too...” I feel like a teenager with a racing heart, waiting for the answer of the girl he likes, not knowing how she will react to his statement.
Ellacloses her eyes and sighs, then gently bites her lips, and I’m envious that I can’t do it for her.
“This is so stupid. We literally just saw each other!Not even twelve hours ago, Marcos! Twelve hours!” I expected any reply but her outrage at her own vulnerability.Although, on second thought, it’s hardly surprising that this is Antonella’s first thought upon feeling exposed.
An uncontrolled laugh leaves my throat and Antonella laughs too.My hand reaches out to touch the phone screen, but I stop before it appears in front of the camera, because that would be ridiculous.It’s not like I’m really going to fucking touch her!
“Have you never felt like this before?” I ask, curious, when I can stop laughing.
