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There is a removable tail, a skirt actually that fits at the waist and leaves the front of the dress underneath completely exposed as it overlaps only on the sides.When Grazi and I were fifteen, I saw this Vera Wang wedding dress on a television series and said I would marry on it, I actually didn’t say it, I decided.
For months, I was unable to speak about anything other than that dress or that stylist, I even went to New York just to visit the studio where the dress had been produced, even if already at that time I had no great aspirations to get married.But I was determined that when it happened, I would wear it.At the age of seventeen, I bought the dress and left it in the care of a company that specializes in this type of service, taking care of clothes that are not of common use.
However, when my parents kicked me out of the house, that was another one of the dreams I left behind.And to this day, I hadn’t even given myself permission to visit it in my own mind.There were far more important things for me to worry about than a wedding dress, a teenage whim, no matter how much I wanted it or how long.
And now, here it is, before me, at my fingertips.It’s like, all at once, life has decided that I should take back everything I’ve ever had.I just hope it doesn’t expect me to go back to being that girl I once was. It would be impossible.
“You’re the best sister life could have given me!” I sound as tearful as I am or feel and step away to look at Grazi’s tear-washed face as well.I know it’s no use saying thank you.She would dismiss the word with a wave of her hand, so I choose to say how much she means to me and not just her gesture.
“Soul sisters!” she whispers and raises her little finger for our childish greeting.
“Soul sisters!” I repeat, intertwining our little fingers and kissing them, which she does soon after. “You’re officially the best surprise planner there is.” She laughs and raises her hand, drying my tears, I do the same with hers.
“It’s enough that that pig of your fiancé has stopped both of us from making the dream wedding!”
“I don’t think he should be called pig for that, Grazi…”
“Are you standing up for him?” She raises her eyebrows at me.
“Hell no! God knows Marcos can be called a pig for a multitude of reasons, I’m just saying that I don’t think hiring an event organization company to organize a generic reception for a convenience wedding is one of them...Marcos is a lawyer, his job is to solve problems, if getting married was one, he solved it, the reception was another, he solved it too!” My friend breathes dramatically, feigning relief, and I roll my eyes.
“Whew! For a moment I thought you were starting to see Asshole Marcos with different eyes.”
“No, Grazi, the same eyes as always, but even the asshole deserves some credit.”
“If you say so. I still think he should have asked you” he grumbles, and I laugh.
“I’m his employee, Grazi.Not his real friend or bride” I clarify what she should already know, and she looks at her nails, feigning disinterest in my words.
Doesn’t matter! You only get married for the first time once. He should have consulted you!”
“You only do anything for the first time once, Grazi! Stop being a nag!” She snorts.
“You’re determined to contradict me today.” She rolls her eyes. “Anyway… Let’s dry that face, because a Vera Wang doesn’t deserve to be experienced by a bloated face” I laugh of the abrupt change of subject and I shake my head, finding it amusing of her usual will to have control over absolutely everything.Now, trying to move from the emotional mood to the indifferent, literally, in the blink of an eye.That’s not how this works.It’s not like that, I want to tell her, but I shut up. “And besides...The spa awaits us, today is the day to knock out your fiancé!” The phrase, released in a completely unexpected context, still transports me to last night.
I woke up with the incontestable certainty of reality, that it really happened, that look, all that hunger.But I wished it had been a dream, because the problem was not what was in his eyes, but rather the desire for retribution in mine and the immense will that almost drove my body to ashes.
Grazi was worried that I was starting to see Marcos with other eyes, I’m much more worried about continuing to see him exactly with them and still wishing for things I shouldn’t.
“And since we’re nostalgic today, how much do you still miss being blonde, Nel?” It’s the question that makes me pay attention again to whatever Grazi was talking about while I rambled.
A sound of joy leaves my lips by the welcome distraction.Thinking about the color of my hair seems to be exactly the kind of escape I need.
“A lot, really...”
The velvet box in my hand feels like it weighs a whole ton.
It’s necessary, Marcos, it’s necessary.
I open it, for the thousandth time, analyzing the rounded diamond right in the middle of the white gold ring.The jewelry is simple yet elegant, and tells me absolutely nothing about the personality of the woman who will wear it.
It wasn’t the first one the jewelry store rep offered me this morning when he met me in my office to have me pick out an engagement ring for Antonella.In fact, it wasn’t the second or the last, either, but none of them seemed to match the woman I’m waiting for down the stairs at this point.
However, I chose it, even so, after scolding myself for the bullshit, after all, what does it matter if the jewelry matches Antonella or not?It only matters that the people who will see us together today believe in the truthfulness of our relationship.
And I really hope that her choice of clothes will help me, the last thing I need tonight is for people to look at her and see what she is, a twenty-one-year-old girl.Images of Antonella over the past week take my mind by storm.Well... it’s also not like I need her to look like the woman who’s been tormenting me the last few days, right?
Damn, no! In other words, either she fucks me or I’m fucked. Fucking hell! I take a deep breath, close the box and put it in my pocket.Needing to do something with myself, I walk to the bar at the other end of the room and reach for a small bottle of water.
